Everytime I Hear Your Name
by californication
Summary: After Lindsay is killed at a crime scene, Danny must learn to cope with her being gone, and raise their daughter on his own. Angst/Fluff.
1. The Shooting

Disclaimer: You all know the drill. I don't own anyone/thing affiliated with CSI:NY, unfortunately. WARNING: Character Death.

Rating: T for Some violence and curse words.

Summary: D/L centric. After Lindsay was killed in a shooting one year prior. Danny is packing up "their" apartment and comes across some memories as he reflects. Don't worry, not as sad as it sounds.

**Every Time I Hear Your Name**

**Finally got over that song of ours; stopped chasin' little red sports cars,**

**To check the license plates and I quit drivin' by your place.**

**Back makin' the rounds at our old haunts: Honky Tonks, restaurants.**

**And seein' some of our old friends: it feels good to dance again.**

**And I can finally smell your perfume and not look around the room for you.**

**And I can walk right by your picture in a frame and not feel a thing.**

Danny Messer stuck his old, worn key into the old, worn lock of **their**apartment. He sighed deeply swinging the heavy door inward as he let out a breath he was aware he was holding and entered the large living room. _When had it become so hard for me to walk into this apartment? _He asked himself. He glanced around the room, his heart skipped a beat when he caught that familiar smell of **her, **the mixture of vanilla and cinnamon. His breath hitched in his throat, as he waited for her to round the hallway, throw her arms around him, kiss his cheek lightly and ask how his shift was… that was then, this, was now. Since that fateful November day a year ago, when his world, his entire world, had been shaken and flipped upside down.

_Flash Back……_

'_What do we got Flack?' Danny asked as he strode up beside Detective Mac Taylor who was crouched beside a young blonde female laying face up in a puddle of blood. _

'_Kerri Walters, twenty-two, gun shot to the abdomen, right shoulder, and left thigh. Looks like this one to the thigh may have hit the artery' he stated to the y as Lindsay Monroe began taking over-alls of the scene. _

'_Probably bled out pretty quick, looks like theres foot prints leading toward the building, and smaller ones leading away from the building' Danny added looking on while Lindsay took a few more pictures._

'_Could be from our shooter, the smaller ones are definitely from our Vic' Danny said, processing the body slowly. _

'_Im going to follow these, see if maybe the shooter left us something inside this door' Lindsay said as she walked toward the large blue door that read - 'Employees Only'. Pushing the door open, she stepped inside carefully, her right hand hovering above her gun, her left shining her flashlight in and around the hall before entering. The building seemed un-occupied, many doors were locked, and 25 feet down the dark hallway, the bloody footprints stopped. She shone her flashlight further down the hallway, looking for any signs of which way the perp may have gone. _

'_Don't move…you hear me! Don't make a goddamn sound…' A hoarse, deep voice said from behind her. She froze, her hand now clenching her gun ready to pull it from its holster. She began to turn to look at the perp…_

'_HEY! ARE YOU DEAF? DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?? I SAID, DON'T…MOVE…' he yelled, louder this time. She jumped at the intensity of his voice, freezing again. _

'_I'm a police officer, theres two other detectives outside, so don't do anything stupid, because they'll come in here, cuff you, and you'll be playing kissy kissy with a guy named Bruce behind bars for the rest of your life ok?'She tried to sound tuff, maybe to make herself feel a little more in control of the situation than she actually was…. Why couldn't Danny, or Mac just walk in here right now? _

_Outside Danny peered at the door Lindsay had passed through only minutes before, he shook off whatever unsettling feelings he was having, writing them off as, 'I'm just trying to protect my girlfriend' feelings, and continued looking over the victim. But the next thirty seconds seemed to go in slow motion, the world stopped turning for those thirty seconds and Danny couldn't feel his legs, let a lone move. He heard the all too familiar sound of a gun shot. Exchanging glances with Mac, somehow the feeling came back to his legs as he sprinted for the entrance to the building, Flack following close behind, guns drawn. Danny could never have prepared himself for the image now playing in front of him. Lindsay lay, crushed against the wall, her left hand over the gunshot to her chest, her right gripping her gun still. Crouching beside her he could hear Flack making a radio call for EMS and heard those words, 'OFFICER DOWN! I REPEAT OFFICER DOWN WE NEED EMS NOW!', but it all seemed fuzzy. _

'_Come'on Montana…Montana look at me' He said, taking her right hand in his as her once bright chocolate eyes stared blankly at him. ' Theres my girl, stay with me, EMS is going to be here and we'll get you to Bellevue, ok? Hang on' He said, trying to convince himself this was all a dream, that he'd wake up any second and her honey curls would be spread across his chest, her even breathing soothing him. The shrill sound of the Ambulance sirens entered Danny's ears as he heard the medics call down the corridor, racing beside him, pushing him out of the way and starting a work-up on Lindsay. _

'_We're losing her…' he heard one medic say. _

'_MONTANA, don't do this to me! I'm right here!' He yelled over the second medics shoulder, as her eyes began to roll into the back of her head, her eyelids fluttering open and closed. He reached between the medics, grasping her right hand in his, her blood soaking into his skin. She was loaded into the back of the ambulance, Danny hopping on and taking a seat beside the medic, he grasped her hand between his two, praying to anyone who would listen to let her get through this…he promised he'd do anything, he'd forgo watching an entire season of baseball, hell, he'd forgo his entire Satellite Dish just to have her live through this. _

_The wail of the sirens echoed in his ears as the roared down the street, her hand slowly slipping from between his two, and the EKG monitor signaled her heart was failing, he heard the medic yell, 'Shes in FLAT LINE! LETS GO MOVE'IT!' …and that's when he knew…_

_End Flashback…_

The wail of a nearby Ambulance passing by on the street broke Danny from his thoughts as he wiped a tear from his eye before it had a chance to fall, and continued on towards his bedroom. The apartment was filled with boxes, some of which were labeled according to the items inside, others still sat empty waiting to be packed. The apartment was bare, save for his over-stuffed Lay-Z-Boy, and the coffee table, and his bed. The room felt cold – like it had felt for the last year, she brought life to this place, they had had so many memories here…just here… not counting the memories they made on the streets of New York, her hometown of Montana, and every other place in between. Looking to his left he spotted a picture frame sitting face down in the corner of the room, it was odd, and out of place, he'd packed all his frames away, sauntering over to the frame he flipped it over and the picture that stared back at him caused his eyes to tear up again…

So?? What do you think? Comments/Flaming/Critique? I was going to make this a one shot – I started with a bare-minimum idea, and it blossomed as I started to write this first chapter, so, depending on what you all think, I'll keep it going…


	2. Oak Trees

Disclaimer: Again, nothing belongs to me…. Boo!

Rating: T

Summary: After Lindsay is killed in a shooting a year ago, Danny is preparing to move out of their apartment and stumbles upon some memories.

Ch. 2

**But when I hear your name,**

**I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.**

**And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes.**

**And nothin's changed, and we're still same.**

**And I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss,**

**And I'm hangin' on to every word rollin' off of your lips:**

**And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place,**

**Every time I hear your name.**

…. The picture stared back into Dannys cerulean eyes, the tears that burned behind his eyes threatened to fall any moment, and he swallowed harshly, blinking the tears back. He ran his finger along the frame, the old wood frames he and Lindsay had stumbled upon in a little corner framing store on one of their many days out on the town, Lindsay had insisted on buying them, and of course, he gave in with one look of those innocent chocolate brown eyes. The old wood of the frame was rough under his finger tips, and the forest-like smell that entered his nose as he brought the frame to rest against his forehead reminded him of the few trips he'd taken back to Montana with Lindsay, more specifically beneath a large Oak tree just down the gravel road from the ranch,

Flashback….

'I used to come here all the time when I was young. Whenever I'd get mad at my parents and threaten to run away, this is where I'd come…' She glanced at him as she laughed at his raised eyebrow. 'Im aware this isn't THAT far from home' she looked behind where they sat up to the small ranch house, smiling as she turned back and rested her chin on her knees. '…but this spot was mine…my brother, he used to go way down the road to this old abandoned cabin, he and his friends used to lure me in there and dump a bucket of water on my head when I walked in the door, or, this one time, I chased after them and they got the idea to drop a bucket of manure on me and then hog tie me up and left me there' She heard Danny chuckle from beside her, 'Its not funny Messer' she poked him in the ribs.

'Ouch Montana that hurts' He mock-whined as he held the spot she'd just pinched.

'You're such a baby' She laughed at his 'hurt' look.

'Am not…So, this cabin, where is it?' He asked, genuinely curious.

'It got torn down a few years ago by the people who bought the property it was on' As she answered his arms snaked around her pulling her close to him. He pressed a kiss to her temple as he felt her lean her head back into the crook of his neck.

'Its way too quiet out here Montana' He whispered into her ear.

'I like it, New York is too noisy' She smiled. 'You get used to it I guess' she shrugged as she felt Danny nod in agreement. He was about to pull her into a kiss when a flash startled him and he looked up to see Lindsays mother, camera in hand smiling.

'Sorry you two. You guys just looked so picture perfect underneath this tree, I could resist' She held up her camera as the two smiled back at her.

'That's alright mom, we were just headed back in anyway, we'll help you with dinner. Come'on Cowboy.' She looked up at her mother who waited patiently for the two to get up so they could make their way back up the road together. Danny's strong hands pushed Lindsay to her feet before she turned around offering him her hand and hoisting him up to stand beside her.

'You two go on ahead, I'll catch up' She heard her mother say before Danny encased her hand in his and they started for the house. The two exchanged smiles, and walked in comfortable silence.

…end Flashback

Danny brought himself back to reality staring at the picture in his hand again. Lindsays mother had taken up photography as a hobby once she retired from her job as a School Teacher, and had gotten pretty good at it. He smiled at the picture, remembering the day she'd handed it to him. He had looked through the entire packet of pictures she gave him, as he sat on the overstuffed couch in the living room of the Monroe Ranch House, thumbing through each, a smile on his face as each one passed his fingertips. Once he was done, the two exchanged a warm hug, and she handed him the framed picture. It had been taken as he and Lindsay were walking to the house that night. This shot in particular, was different than all the others. This one Dianne had caught moments before the two entered the house. His hand tightly grasping hers, she was looking up at him smiling and he had his lips pressed to her forehead, her body molded against his.

Flashback…

'Thank you for coming' She had said after he placed a kiss to her forehead, pulling back slightly to look at him.

'Its not a problem Lindsay. I actually, though I'll never admit this once we get back home – and you better not tell.' He glared at her before cracking a smirk, '…but, I had a great time. Seeing you, here, back in your house, seeing where you grew up, your family is a great family, your parents have a lot to be proud of – raising such an amazing, beautiful daughter, and two great sons. I wouldn't mind coming back here again' He pressed a kiss to her lips lightly.

'You going soft on me Messer?' She cracked after he kissed her.

'I don't do soft Montana…like I said. None of this leaves this front porch capisca?' He asked her. She laughed at his single use of an Italian word. He rarely ever spoke Italian, unless he was at his parents house, so it was a rare treat, one that she enjoyed.

'Ok, I promise. I swear' She stuck her pinky out in front of her, waiting for him to link his in hers and swear to secrecy. They smiled and he pulled her into his chest again, kissing her cheek.

'Ti amo Lindsay, significate che tutto a ed io desiderimi per sempre per essere con voi. Sarete sempre il mio Montana' He whispered in her ear, before walking into the house.

'Wait, Danny… hey' She yelled after him. She caught up before he entered the kitchen. 'What did you say?' She asked. He smirked at her.

'Relativo affinché me da sapere e voi scoprano più successivamente' He smirked as her mouth gaped open, he placed a chaste kiss at the corner of her mouth and walked into the kitchen.

…end Flashback

He smiled to himself at the memory. But the tears still threatened to fall, he wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there, in his living room, holding the picture securely to his chest, but he had finally noticed that he had neglected to turn on any lights when he entered the apartment, and now, the sun had just set and an orangey glow bathed the apartment. He glanced at the picture in his arms once more before placing it on top of a box, to be packed at some point, before he turned to switch on the lights, he ran his index finger along the length of Lindsays body in the frame,

'Ti amo' He said, before turning and walking into the kitchen.

**I get caught in a "you were the only one for me",**

**Kinda thought, and your face is all that I see.**

**I know I can't go back but I still go back.**

**And there we are, parked down by the riverside,**

**And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time,**

**And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place,**

**Every time I hear your name.**

Ok, so, theres ch. 2. I can either leave it be as-is, or I can add some more chapters. Its honestly up to you guys.

Rough Translation of what Danny said to Lindsay:

'I love you Lindsay, you mean the world to me and I want to be with you forever. You'll always be my Montana'

'Its for me to know and you to find out later'


	3. You and Me, plus one

Disclaimer: You know the drill by now guys. Nothing belongs to me, yada yada yada. Song credit to Celine Dion.

Rating: K+

Summary: See Ch. 1

_No Mountains too high, for you to climb_

_All you have to do is have some_

_climbing faith, oh yeah_

_No rivers too wide, for you to make it across_

_All you have to do is believe it when you pray_

_And then you will see, the morning will come_

_And everyday will be bright as the sun_

_All of your fears cast them on me_

_I just want you to see..._

_I'll be your cloud up in the sky_

_I'll be your shoulder when you cry_

_I'll hear your voices when you call me_

_I am your angel_

_And when all hope is gone, I'm here_

_No matter how far you are, I'm near_

_It makes no difference who you are_

I am your angel 

_I'm your angel_

He was once again startled out of his thoughts by the chirping of his cell phone, he reached for the annoying device, scanning the caller I.D. – 'Ma's House', he sighed, picking it up.

'Hi ma' He said, forcing a smile on his face.

'il mio figlio, come é voi?' She asked, knowing the state of sadness and depression her son has been going through.

'Im fine Ma, what about you? And pop? He get back from Jersey yet?' He tried to keep the topics light, tried to avoid his mother crying over the phone and telling him how worried she was about him.

'You father is fine, Im fine… listen what time were you going to come by and grab Emily?' She asked him sweetly. He glanced down at his watch, five-thirty-four winked back at hime, he was late, how could he have forgotten?

'Ugh, sorry Ma, I'll be there in half alright?' He said, he was mentally kicking himself for forgetting, how in the hell could he have forgotten something like that?

'Alright we'll see you in a while. I have Cannolis when you get in' She smiled before hanging up the phone.

Grabbing his truck keys he made his way out to his car and headed to his parents house. He was surprised at how little traffic there was and how quick he'd made it, without breaking half the traffic laws in New York. He pulled up in front of the large Victorian Style two story home that was his child hood sanctuary, the large oak tree shading the entire front lawn was still there – his father had refused to cut it down, and he could recall many scrapes, cuts and stake outs he and the neighborhood kids had encountered over the years. His glance drifted to the old worn out basketball hoop bolted above the garage door, and swore he could hear the sound of the ball being dribbled across the driveway and the sound of the ball coming in contact with the chain net as it was dunked. He snapped out of his day dream when he heard the front door open and the sound of little feet hitting the deck and then the wooden steps leading down towards where he was parked.

'Daddy!!' The little girl threw herself into his arms, and is he hadn't been paying attention he's not sure if he would have caught her or not.

'Hey bug, you have fun with nonna today?' he asked, the little girls big blue eyes sparkled as she pressed a kiss to his cheek. Nodding her head she wrapped her arms around his neck and lay her head into the crook of his neck as he headed back towards the house. His mother greeted him, her warm arms enveloping him in a loving hug.

'Hi Ma' he said, smiling. She kissed both his cheeks before pulling back and heading back to the kitchen.

'Come eat some of this Daniel' She demanded, more than requested. One thing he'd learned real quick as a child – he'd never go hungry as long as his ma was around.

'Can I have some nonna?' The little girl wiggled out of her fathers arms and followed her grandma into the kitchen.

'Of course you can, hold on. Daniel grab down 3 plates would you?' She asked, but he hadn't entered the kitchen yet, he was stopped in the hallway leading into the kitchen. He gazed at the framed photo in front of him, hanging along the wall, partnered with pictures of cousins, friends, and other walks of his family. This one however had just been added to the wall two years ago. This particular frame held three of his favorite pictures, three of the pictures he'd forever have on display in his house. He smiled, running his finger across the glass, wiping some of the dust off, and then gazing into the fair of brown eyes staring back at him in the upper right hand corner, his hand slid across the glass to the set of sparkly blue eyes, identical to his, gleaming back at him. He remembered when his world had been turned upside down, and not for the first time.

FLASHBACK

'Montana?' He called, walking into the large apartment, and scanning the room for any signs of life. The kitchen light was off – unusual for anytime before midnight, she always left it on for him so he wouldn't walk into a dark apartment, but this night the light was off and he could see a stream gold coming from the crack in the slightly ajar bedroom door. He walked towards it, pushing the door and letting it creak open. He found her sitting on the edge of the bed, her back to him, and her face cradled in her hands. She looked up as his heavy footsteps caused the old wood floors to squeak.

'Hi' she said, in barely above a whisper.

'hey, you okay?' He asked, a bit concerned that she hadn't rushed to kiss him. All he got was a nod in response, and then a heavy sigh.

'How was your shift?' she asked. She felt the bed dip behind her as he ran a hand up her arm.

'It was alright, busy, its that time of year you know?' He said, smiling. For some reason the summer always brought out the "crazies". She nodded again, knowing what he meant.

'That's good' She sighed again, turning to face him. 'Danny….' She stopped and began to find the grains in the hardwood floor were more interesting than his sparkling cerulean eyes.

'Montana…Linds… talk to me' He asked, his hand squeezing her shoulder gently, lovingly. She scooted away from him and stood walking into their shared bathroom. She emerged a few minutes later holding something in her hand. She stuck the small white stick in his lap before sitting back down on the bed. He glanced down at the stick resting on his thigh, picking it up and staring at the small pink plus sign. His eyes shot to her back, then back at the small stick again.

'Are you mad?' she asked, tears threatening to roll down her rosy cheeks.

'Am I mad? Why….why….why would I be mad?' He said, as she turned to look at him, her chocolate eyes sparkling with the hidden tears. 'This is, this is amazing… come'ere' he said, pulling her to him in a hug. The tears began to fall as she clutched his shirt in her hand, smiling against his chest. 'Lindsay, I know we didn't exactly plan this, but, come'on, we're going to have a baby…' He said, smiling as the realization hit him.

'Yea, we are….the 12 other pregnancy tests I took made that pretty clear' her voice having a hint of sarcasm in it. She felt him smile against her head, before he pressed a kiss to the crown of it.

'So, a doc confirmed it?' He asked, knowing that these sticks could be kind of tricky. He felt her nod against him, as he hugged her tighter.

'Im due February 18' She said into his neck before pulling back to look at him, his lips met hers in a soft, loving kiss, that soon turned more intimate, he pushed her back onto the bed, crawling ontop of her, never breaking contact with her lips, his left hand slid up her thigh to rest on her stomach….

_I saw the teardrops, and I heard you cry_

_All you need is time, seek me and you shall find_

_You have everything and you're still lonely_

_It doesn't have to be this way, let_

_me show you a better day_

_And then you will see, the morning will come_

_And all of your days will be bright as the sun_

_So all of your fears, just cast them on me_

_How can I make you see..._

_I'll be your cloud up in the sky_

_I'll be your shoulder when you cry_

_I'll hear your voices when you call me_

_I am your angel_

_And when all hope is gone, I'm here_

_No matter how far you are, I'm near_

It makes no difference who you are 

_I am your angel_

I'm your angel

END FLASHBACK

'Daddy? Nonna said to come in and eat' He heard a tiny voice say beside him, and felt his pant leg being tugged lightly.

'Alright baby, I'll be right in' He said, crouching down to the little girls level. Her blue eyes mirrored his, and she smiled…her mothers smile. 'Go on, I'll be right in' He said, turning her and nudging her back to the kitchen. The little girl hopped towards the kitchen, long brown curls bouncing as she entered the kitchen. She was the perfect mix of himself and Lindsay, brown honey curls identical to her mothers, a smile that could make him weak at the knees, and an attitude that was so much his he wondered how his mother ever survived him as a young child. But her eyes, they were his… the ocean blue he;d come to fall madly in love with, she was his angel… she was Lindsay. He stood back up glancing at the pictures again, this time moving to the last one that stood in the middle of the frame, the day they'd welcomed Emily Brianne Messer into the world.

FLASHBACK

'One more push Montana…you can do it' Danny coaxed, his lips next to her ear as she attempted to catch her breath. The labor had been a long eighteen hour process, and the pregnancy had seemed even longer. Countless nights of cravings, mood swings, morning-noon-and night sickness, and everything in between. At this moment he himself had to take a breath and realize they'd be meeting their child in less than ten minutes. They'd decided to keep the sex a surprise. Danny of course, had been hoping for a boy, while Lindsay wouldn't admit what she was hoping it was.

'Alright Lindsay, deep breath in and push… I see the head, you're doing great' The doctor said from between her legs.

'I cant do this Danny…I cant…' She took a deep breath again, her brown eyes pleading to him to make the pain go away. He swept his hand across her forehead brushing stray curls out of her eyes and wiping the sweat off her forehead.

'Yes you can Montana, you're almost there' He encouraged as he felt her squeeze his hand tight before pushing again. 'That's it, good girl… keep going' He tried to hide the fact that he was scared out of his mind, what if something went wrong? What if the baby didn't make it? What if Lindsay didn't make it? He'd heard horror stories of mothers dieing during birth. He shook the thoughts from his head as he heard the doctor.

'Alright Lindsay, stop pushing the heads out, relax, take a breath' She said, suctioning the babys nose and mouth. 'Alright, deep breath and push again' She requested.

'Good job Linds' Danny said, grasping her hand again, whispering in her ear. The room was silent save for a loud moan from Lindsay, and then the distinct sound of a newborn filled the room. The wailing become louder and he felt Lindsay loosen her grip on his hand.

'Congratulations…it's a healthy baby girl. Dad, did you want to cut the cord?' The doctor looked over at Danny as he grabbed the tool from the doctor, cutting between the clamps on his daughters umbilical cord. The nurse took the baby setting her in a bundle of blankets and then moving her to the small scale. 'Seven pounds, five ounces 20 inches long…shes healthy as can be' The nurse announced as the babys cries continued. Lindsay was raised in her bed, as the nurse walked the small bundle over beside her, placing her in Lindsay's waiting arms.

'Oh Danny… shes gorgeous' She said, tears falling down her cheeks, the newborns cries began to die down as she took in her parents, bright blue eyes twinkling up at both of them. Danny ran his finger along the babys uncovered hand, making a mental note of the five small digits on that hand. The baby wrapped her hand around Dannys finger, squeezing gently. He looked up at Lindsay, smiling and wiping away some of the tears. Their lips met once again, in a soft kiss, then he pressed a kiss to her temple before gazing down at his daughter again.

A few hours later Danny sat in a rocking chair in the corner of the recovery room Lindsay had been moved to. He swiftly and gently rocked his daughter who's baby blues never left his. He glanced over at his sleeping girlfriend.

'Hi…hi there' He said quietly. 'Im your dad…theres some ground rules we gotta set right now ok?' He said smiling down at the baby. 'Alright, so, no dating until your thirty…' he started as the baby began to squirm and cry, 'alright, alright twenty five?' the babys cries died a bit, but she still squirmed, 'ok, I'll settle for eighteen, But, I'll tell ya now, the guy is going to get put through the system at work and if anything so much as a parking ticket pops up, you aint going out with him, got it?' He asked, the baby blowing bubbles in her spit. 'I'll take that as an 'ok dad'' he smiled again as the babys eyes fluttered closed and then opened again, her small hand wrapping around his finger again. 'You know, you're a lucky girl, you got an amazing family waiting to spoil you to death, of course you got me – your dad, we're going to play catch out in Central Park, Im going to teach you how to ride your bike, and hey, one day I may even teach you to drive a car' He laughed, 'and then you have your ma', he glanced back to Lindsay. 'Shes the best thing that's ever happened to me…well aside from you. Shes beautiful and Im in BIG trouble if you look anything like her when you're older. Shes caring, she didn't take any of my B.S. and shes….well she's just amazing, and someday you'll see just how amazing she is' He choked back tears, gazing at Lindsay then back to his daughter who had fallen asleep in his comforting arms, he looked down at the small hand holding his index finger tightly again, smiling as he listened to the rain lightly beat against the window…

END FLASHBACK

'Daniel, if you don't come and eat now, there wont be anything left to eat once you drag yourself in here… now come'on ' He heard his mother say from the doorway of the kitchen.

'Yeah, come'on Daddy, I put your plate right next to mine' He heard Emily yell from inside the kitchen.

'Alright, Im comin' ' he headed down the hallway and towards the kitchen before glancing back at the photos one more time….

_And when it's time to face the storm_

_I'll be right by your side_

_Grace will keep us safe and warm_

_And I know we will survive_

_And when it seems as if your end is drawing near_

_Don't you dare give up the fight_

_Just put your trust beyond the sky..._

_I'll be your cloud up in the sky_

_I'll be your shoulder when you cry_

_I'll hear your voices when you call me_

_I am your angel_

_And when all hope is gone, I'm here_

_No matter how far you are, I'm near_

_It makes no difference who you are_

_I am your angel_

_I'm your angel…._

_TBC…._

That's all folks, at least for this chapter. Good? Bad? Ok? ….. 


	4. The hitchin' post

Disclaimer: you know it by now, right? Song credit to: Jason Aldean.

Rating: T

Summary: See Ch. 1 for details.

Ch. 4 – The hitchin' post

_Going through my closet the other day_

_Found an old yearbook, flipped right to the page_

_Of that senior trip down there on that Panama strip_

_We all started yelling when we smelled the beach_

_Just couldn't wait to try our fake ids_

_We only had a few days, and a whole lot of memories to make_

_Oh man we were livin, didn't waste one minute_

_We talked and drank and danced and said goodbye_

We laughed until we cried… 

'Daddy?' A little voice broke the silence as they made their way through the city, heading home.

'Yea bug?' He glanced in his rear view mirror at th e little girl seated in her car seat.

'Do you miss Mommy?' She asked, blue eyes sparkling. He swallowed hard, praying to anyone that would listen to keep the tears from falling in front of his three year old daughter.

'Yea…I miss her a lot' He answered, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.

'Is she ever coming back?' His little girl asked.

'No baby, shes not… Shes up with the stars' He answered, his eyes burning with tears.

'Well then I want to go be in the stars too' She said, hugging her stuffed horse, Charlie. The horse had been her first stuffed animal, and soon became her favorite. Lindsay had come across it in a small corner store when they'd been shopping for things for the baby room. Danny remembered her picking up the plushy bay horse with a white star on his head and holding it up to him, smiling sweetly. He'd said no, his son would not be cuddling with a stuffed pony, instead he had grabbed a plush baseball bat and smiled the same sweet smile. She'd told him they could get both, and snapped playfully with a _'why is it so wrong to have your son cuddle with a horse?' _He had been stumped, unable to find the answer. In the end, she'd won, walking out with the stuffed horse safely tucked under her arm. For as long as he could remember, Charlie had calmed Emily down, long sleepness nights were made a bit shorter when one of them had grabbed the horse and set it beside her as they rocked her to sleep. Now, she held the toy close everywhere she went.

'I know , I do too, but we cant sweetie' He said softly. He could hear her sniffle a bit.

'Why did mommy have to go to the stars daddy?' she asked. He'd finally lost it and wiped the few tears that rolled down his cheeks away.

'Sometimes it just happens bug, we cant control it. When the stars say its time for us to go up with them, we just have to go' He answered, reaching his right hand around and patting Charlie, and then rubbing his hand along his daughters belly lovingly.

'Are you going to go to the stars too daddy?' She looked at him.

'Someday I will, but not for a very long time, ok? Nothing to worry about' He prayed again that Lindsay and anyone else could hear him, willing them to let him stay with his daughter for the next fifty or more years. He'd contemplated this situation before, what would he do if something happened to him? Where would Emily go? Who would take care of her? Who would background check all her boyfriends? … 'Flack' he said under his breath, and finally…. Who would walk her down the isle someday? He wiped a few more tears away as they pulled into a parking spot in front of their apartment. He hopped out of the car, pulling his coat tighter around him, the chilly air hit him and caused his body to go into shock momentarily. He swung open the back door, unbuckling his daughter as she wrapped her arms around his neck and jumped into his outstretched arms. He felt her yawn and then lay her head on his shoulder. Grabbing Charlie, he closed the door and locked the truck before making his way up to the apartment. Once they entered the warmth of the apartment he headed straight for Emily's bedroom, changing her into her pink PJ pants and pink thermal shirt, pulling back the covers and allowing her to climb in.

'Arms in or out?' he asked, knowing it was something Lindsay had always asked her.

'In' She smiled, as he wrapped the blankets around her and tucked her in, he placed Charlie beside her before placing a kiss on her forehead.

'Goodnight' He said, kissing her head again.

'Night daddy' She said back before yawning and beginning to let her heavy eyes close. Danny flipped the bedside light off and then turned her cowgirl night light on before exiting the room, leaving the door open a bit. He entered the living room, and then it hit him as he saw the three stockings hung above the fireplace. He dropped to his knees, his head in his hands and sobbed. This would be their first Christmas with just two of them, no Lindsay. Things would certainly be different. Breakfast would be different, the opening of presents would be different, even the evening before Christmas would be different. But it wasn't just Christmas he was crying about, the day when Santa and his Reindeer made an appearance was still a little over two weeks away. Tomorrow, December 9, 2007 would be his and Lindsays first wedding anniversary. He ran his fingers over the gold band adorning his left ring finger. Falling from his knees onto his butt, and sliding his knees up to his chest he closed his eyes, allowing the warmth of the fire to enter his cold body.

FLASHBACK

All Lindsay had wanted to do was go home, go home and wrap herself in Danny's comforting arms, hug her daughter and read her a bedtime story and cuddle with her boyfriend on the couch. She keyed her way into the apartment, swinging the large wood door open and revealing daises scattered across the hardwood floor, and candles outlining the daises, creating a pathway. She looked to her left and a small card sat on the table, she picked it up.

_Montana – _

_Don't be angry, I'll clean this up. Follow the daises…._

_D_

_She smiled, placing the note back in its original place. She followed the path of flowers, leading her to their bedroom, on the door was another card, she flipped the card open, recognizing Danny's handwriting again._

_Love is patient, Love is kind,_

_It does not envy, it does not boast,_

_It is not proud, It is not rude,_

_It is not self-seeking,_

_It is not easily angered,_

_It keeps no record of wrongs._

_Love does not delight in evil,_

_but rejoices with the truth._

_Love always protects, always trusts,_

_always hopes, always perseveres._

_Love bears all things, believes all things,_

_hopes all things, endures all things._

_Love never ends._

_L o v e N e v e r F a i l s._

She smiled again, a tear rolling across her cheek, and she pushed the door open gently. More candles lined the room, sitting atop the dresser, the nightstand, and daises had been spread a long their bed. She heard the bathroom door open and Danny emerged. He made his way towards her, wrapping her in his arms, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

'Dan, whats going on?' she started. He pressed his index finger to her lips, willing her to just listen.

'Montana…Lindsay…. From that very first day at the zoo until now, you have shown me things that I never would have known had I not met you. You've made me a better man, a father, a better cop, I feel safe and loved around you, and theres no where else I'd rather be than with you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known, you have spirit, a sense of humor, a contagious laugh, you're a great cop, and you never fail to keep me wrapped around that finger of yours. I love you Lindsay, and I cant imagine being in this life without you. You're amazing, an amazing person, an amazing mother… you're amazing to me, in everything you do…' He paused looking into her chocolate brown eyes,sparkling with tears and a bit of confusion. He took her left hand in his right, bringing himself down onto one knee, just as he opened his mouth he felt her gasp, covering her mouth with her other hand.

'Montana…will you marry me?' He asked, sliding a small princess cut diamond onto her finger.

'Yes…. Oh Danny…. Yes!' He stood just in time for her to leap into his arms, peppering his face with kisses they held each other close. He walked them towards the bed. 'Danny, I don't want to ruin the flowers' She playfully said as he tossed her back on the bed.

'We can get more' He smiled before bringing his lips to hers, deepening the kiss quickly. Their hands roamed one anothers bodies. He undid the button on her pants sliding them down her hips and legs, tossing them behind him as she lifted his shirt over his head. Their lips met again, as her shirt and his pants were soon removed and joined the other clothes in a pile beside the bed. He settled himself between her legs, looking deep into her brown eyes as he entered her.

'Ung… god I love you Lindsay' He said, both of them finding the oh-so-familiar rhythm. He slid his hand up her back, pressing her closer to him as his lips met her neck and she whimpered.

'I love you too Danny' She smiled, her eyes closed, relishing in the feeling of him moving above her.

They came together a few minutes later, soon after, falling asleep in each others arms. Danny awoke to a dark room, all the candles burned out hours before. He felt the familiar warmth of Lindsays body molded against his, her head on his chest, left arm draped lazily over his waist. He pulled her closer, if that was possible, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He glanced down at the sparkling ring on her finger, before placing another kiss on her head.

' Ti Amo Montana' He said softly, he felt her tighten her arm around his waist and breath a contended sigh. His eyes fluttered closed moments later, his love and soon to be wife, cradled against him.

END FLASHBACK

_This past year my family_

_Was sittin cross-legged 'round the Christmas tree_

Listenin to granddad, we all knew it would probably be his last 

_He was crackin jokes and we were takin turns _

_Tellin stories bout fishing or lessons learned_

_Out on the porch with him we all felt like kids again_

Oh man we were livin, sittin' there reminiscin' 

_Yeah, we sang and talked and traveled back in time_

_We laughed until we cried_

_It's like the best days under the sun_

_Every emotion rolled into one_

_A little of this, A little of that_

Kinda happy, Kinda sad.

Danny looked up from his position beside the fireplace at the Christmas tree, shining brightly, presents from family and friends sitting beneath the branches. He stood, placing a few stocking stuffers in everyones stockings, and allowing his eyes to drift to the picture on the mantle. It had been taken on their wedding day, the snow falling around them in a blanket of white. She'd looked beautiful that day, and he had to admit, he didn't look too bad. He smiled, picking up the picture and staring at it.

FLASHBACK

'Just take a deep breath Lindsay. Don't want to have to call the Paramedics for you' Stella joked as she fluffed the bottom of Lindsays gown out behind her.

'Im just so nervous, I mean what if I cry? What if I cant even get the first sentence in my vows out?' She asked, looking back at Stella. She felt Stellas hands squeeze her shoulders, turning her to face the body length mirror.

'You'll be fine, Danny will marry you regardless of if you cry the entire time or not' she smiled, 'Just try not to trip walking down the isle' Stella laughed as Lindsay turned and glared at her.

'That's not funny Stell, you just cursed me' She said, laughing and pulling her friend into a hug.

'So, you ready for this Messer?' Flack said, straightening his own bow tie.

'More than ready' Danny answered wiping some lint off his tux.

'More than ready for the honeymoon I bet' he heard Hawkes say from his seated position in the corner of the room. Danny and Flack turned and glared at him.

'He has a point Messer' Flack laughed as Danny punched his arm playfully.

'Id be lying if I denied that' Danny answered, glancing at himself in the mirror. He took a deep breath. This was it, this was the moment they'd been waiting for for the past eight and a half months.

'Alright Messer, lets get you hitched' Hawkes said, standing and opening the door to the suite, allowing Flack to walk out in the hall ahead of him. 'Messer…getting married requires you leave the room, something that's not required of you during the honeymoon' Hawked and Flack laughed.

'Im comin, Im comin. Flack you got the ring?' He asked, a bit nervous.

'No Messer I left it at home' He said jokingly.

'Ha Ha, you're not funny' he said as he walked out of the suite and towards the church.

'Ok Linds, let go' Stella said, smiling. Lindsay stood frozen still looking in the mirror. 'Lindsay, you'll be fine, come'on' She said, gently squeezing her arm and pulling her towards the door.

Stella hugged Mac, fixing his tie and then taking her spot in front of Lindsay. Emily was cradeled in Danny's cousin, David's arms. Her hair was done up and small curls fell from the up-do and framed her face, and she wore a light pink dress and matching shoes. Lindsay walked over to her daughter.

'You ready baby?' She asked, running her hand over the little girls up-do. The baby nodded her head, holding up her basket of rose petals. The music began to play and Stella smiled at Lindsay. Mac held up his arm allowing Lindsay to link hers through his. The large doors of the church opened slowly, as David and Emily began walking down the isle, Emilys small arms tossing rose petals on all sides of her, missing a few times and hitting David in the chest and face. Stella followed, as did Danny's sister, Marie. Danny gulped, shifting his weight nervously as the wedding march began and everyone stood up. Lindsay emerged from the doorway, her brown curls neatly framing her face, her long dress hugging her body in all the right areas. Danny could have sworn he felt his heart stop. He blinked and in no time, his fiancé was kissing Mac on the cheek and making her way towards Danny. The two stood before the priest. The ceremonies began. The vows were read, Lindsay balling through hers, and Danny doing his best to keep his tears from falling.

'If there is anyone in here who feels these two should not be wed, please speak now' The priest announced. Silence. Danny smiled at Lindsay, mouthing 'I love you' to her and squeezing her hands. 'Then, by the power invested in me, by the State of New York, I now pronounce you Husband, and Wife' He looked between Danny and Lindsay, smiling. 'You may kiss your bride' he said to Danny. Danny pulled Lindsay to him, lifting her veil and pressing his lips to her. The church erupted in clapping and hollering as the kiss deepened. Danny pulled back, taking her hand in his and beginning to walk down the isle of the church an onto the reception.

'Ladies and Gentlemen I'd like to present to you, for the first time, Mr and Mrs Daniel Messer' the priest said as Danny and Lindsay walked down the isle, meeting smiling faces, and warm cheers.

The reception had been held at the Sheraton Hotel, a DJ playing a variety of music and the happy couple joining in their first dance. Danny found Lindsay sitting beside his mother talking and he walked next to her, placing his open hand in front of her.

'Can I have this dance Montana?' He asked, as she accepted his hand and allowed him to pull her to the dance floor. The two held eachother close, allowing their lips to meet in a soft, gentle, loving kiss. 'You look beautiful' he whispered in her ear.

'You don't look too bad yourself Messer' She smiled against his neck. The two swayed to the music, his hands encircling her waist tightly. Danny felt a tug at his waist, looking down into his daughters big blue eyes.

'Come here sweetie' He said, picking the baby up and wrapping his free arm around Lindsay, who allowed her right hand to slide up her daughters back, playing with the few escaped curls. The three swayed to the music, and Danny placed a kiss against Lindsays temple, sighing deeply. Finally, they were a family….

END FLASHBACK

Danny placed the picture back on the mantle, flipping off the Christmas tree lights and making his way towards his bedroom. He allowed his hand to brush Lindsays stocking, tracing his finger over her name, written in sparkly silver glitter.

'Ti Amo Lindsay' He said softly before entering his bedroom and shutting the door over quietly.

Just the other night the baby was cryin 

_So I got out of bed rocked her awhile and I held her tight_

_And I told her it would be all right_

_My mind went back to a few years ago_

_We tried so long, we almost gave up hope_

_And I remember you comin' in and tellin me the news_

_Oh man we were livin, goin crazy in the kitchen_

_We danced and screamed and held each other tight_

_We laughed until we cried _

_(although, the cd cover says Oh man were livin I'll never forget it,_

We danced and kissed and thanked the Lord that night)

**That's it for this chapter guys. The name, "Bug" that Danny calls Emily, its actually a nickname of mine, my dad calls me it every now and then, so I felt the need to put it in here somewhere. Love it? Hate it? **


	5. First Date

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Song credit to Chris Brown.

Summary: See Ch. 1

Rating: T

Ch. 5 – The First Date

_Confetti fallin' from the sky_

_My hometown on the 4th of July_

_A midnight snow on Christmas Eve_

_Like standin' up for what you believe_

_That's how I feel when I'm with you_

_That's how I feel when I'm with you_

_That's how I feel_

_That's how I feel when I'm with you_

'Daddy when did you and Mommy take this one?' Emily asked from her seat beside Danny on their living room floor. She held out the picture to her father watching as he gazed at it. He took it gently from her hands to study it more.

'This was on our first date' He said plainly, smiling at the memory.

'You went and played with Tigers on your first date?' She questioned her father, her bright blue eyes sparkling.

'Yep, we did. I took Mommy to the zoo' He laughed at how lame the idea had been, and now looking back, he wouldn't have had that day go any different than it did.

_FLASHBACK_

_Her cell phone chirped as she exited her bathroom, a towel wrapped around her, her hair half done and eyeshadow case in her right hand. She grabbed the buzzing object flipping it open. _

'_Hello?' She said into the receiver, attempting to brush on her eyeshadow as she held the phone against her shoulder._

'_Hey Montnana, you almost ready?' She recognized that voice, Danny. _

'_You aren't picking me up until one right?' She glanced at the clock, trying to make out the green digits displayed on her stove top, twelve thirty five. _

'_Yea, not 'till one, but just you know, I know how you girls can be, take extra time to make yourselves look nice, when really you look amazing without all that makeup.' She could feel her cheeks turning a shade of red, as she quickly wiped the eyeshadow off her lids and placed the small case on the counter top. _

'_Im almost ready, just need to get dressed, which you're keeping me from doing' She smiled into the phone and she heard him laugh. _

'_Oh so you're naked huh?' He laughed, and she felt her cheeks flush again, she had set herself up for that one. _

'_Yes, totally naked, in my living room with the curtains wide open, and you'll never get to see me naked again if you don't let me go so I can get dressed' She smiled again, hugging her towel tighter around her._

'_Alright, alright, I'll see you in a bit Montana' He said, and she closed her phone walking back to her bathroom._

_She and Danny had slept together before, something that had happened totally unexpectedly but something neither of them regretted. They hadn't made it to his bedroom, but to the pool table in his living room instead, she remembered that morning, waking up and feeling the repercussions of the previous nights shots of Tequila coursing through her blood stream, she remembered the headache, and then, she remembered the note he'd etched out for her on his chalkboard, he'd taken her shift, allowing her a few extra hours of sleep. After he'd been injured, they had remained friends, no sexual tension, nothing more than kissing. They had been sitting on his couch watching a movie one night a few weeks ago and he'd turned to her, pressing a kiss to her temple and pulling her closer to him, he'd whispered in her ear about how he still owed her a date, and she owed him drinks. That's when they'd set up a true "first date". It had been scheduled for that next Friday night at a quiet little Italian Restaurant Danny had grown up going to, but both of them had been called in, and so started their crazy three weeks of over time, five thirty in the morning call in's, and nights neither of them wanted to do nothing more than just collapse on the bed and sleep. When they both had been given a Saturday off, they planned to make that their date night, a night that was well overdue. Danny had said he'd take care of all the arrangements and Lindsay could be surprised when they showed up wherever their reservations were made at. But, here she stood, in her large bathroom, hair falling in soft waves, framing her face, a light coat of makeup on, dark washed blue jeans, her favorite boots, and a light blue sweater. Danny had said to dress casual, but she wondered why they had reservations for the afternoon, he wouldn't tell her what they were doing or where they were going. _

_She was brought out of her thoughts by the buzzing of her intercom, signaling someone was downstairs and needed to get into her apartment complex. She walked briskly into the living room reaching for the small box beside her front door. _

'_Yea?' She said into it, running her fingers through her curls once more. _

'_Its me' She heard Dannys thick Staten Island accent sing through the intercom. _

'_Alright' She pushed the buzzer button allowing him to enter the lobby, she knew he'd be at her front door in less than three minutes, he always took the stairs. She made a bee line for her bedroom checking her appearance one more time, and spritzing some of her favorite perfume on her neck and wrist. She smiled at her reflection and entered the living room just as there was a knock at her door. She swung open the door revealing a very cute Danny Messer. He wore dark wash blue jeans as well, a tight maroon shirt, and had one of her favorite leather jackets he owned on over it. She smiled, stepping aside to let him inside. _

'_You look nice Messer' She said, smiling again. She had no idea why she was so nervous, she could feel her palms getting sweaty and suddenly felt hot. _

'_You look gorgeous' He said, leaning in and placing a kiss on her cheek before handing her a bundle of flowers he'd been holding behind his back. _

'_Oh they're beautiful Danny, thank you. Let me go put these in some water and then we can go.' She turned towards her kitchen leaving him in her living room. He'd been in her place before, he loved the down-home feeling of it and the warm coziness it brought to him, it made him feel comfortable. It had small country touches, and always seemed to be spotless, save for a pair of shoes beside the couch, a jacket hung lazily over one of the bar stools lining her kitchen counter, and the occasional pile of mail on the dining room table. He heard her heels click against the hardwood floor as she re-entered the living room, buttoning up her black pea coat and grabbing her purse. _

'_You ready?' She asked. _

'_Ready if you are' He smiled, opening the door for her, she locked it and they headed for the elevator. _

'_So, are you going to tell me where we're going or no?' She asked, breaking the silence in the elevator. _

'_Nope, you'll just have to wait and see.' He looked over at her, pouting like a child, he laced laughed lightly, kissing her cheek again. 'One day your face is going to get stuck like that if you keep doing it' He added as they exited the lobby and headed for his SUV. He held the passenger side door open for her as she climbed in. _

'_What a gentlemen, thank you Mr. Messer' She joked allowing him to close the door. The ride to wherever they were going wasn't long, it took all of a half hour before he turned into a large parking lot, and handing a man in an orange vest five dollars. He swung the SUV into a vacant parking space and then rushed around to Lindsay's side of the car holding the door for her again. He locked the SUV and they walked to a large set of gates, the letters reading NEW YORK ZOO. Lindsay looked over at Danny and he just smiled before paying for their entrance to the zoo, walking through the gates. _

'_So, what do you think?' He smiled at her, and she smiled back._

'_The Zoo Danny? Are we in elementary school?' She joked, as she saw his smile turn to a frown. 'Im just kidding, this is great. I've never been here, well you know aside from the case we worked here, but, come'on.' She started to walk off to the right, waiting for Danny to catch up to her. _

'_So where to first Ms Monroe?' He pulled out the map he'd grabbed at the front entrance, they both looked at it. _

'_Why don't we just start here where we are, and just walk. We stop if its something we want to see, if not, we keep walking' She folded the map up handing it back to him. _

'_Sounds good' They started towards the Elephants, Lindsay peering over the large fence at the big animals. She felt Danny hovering beside her. 'They're pretty big huh?' He said, 'wouldn't want one of them stepping on ya' He added. He heard her laugh, before they continued on. They walked a bit more, looking at the Giraffes, Zebras, Monkeys, Boars, and soon Danny stopped infront of a large swimming pool, looking over the cement slabs. _

'_Nice choice Messer, I knew you liked these guys' She joked, looking over at the Walrus'. _

'_Ha Ha, you're not funny Montana' He said, listening to her laugh. God he loved her laugh, it could brighten anyone's day, and it sure brightened his more than once a day. _

'_Come'on, the big cats are over that way' She pointed down the cement slope and up the walkway a bit. _

'_Alright, lets go' He walked beside her and they soon reached the Lions and Cheetahs, the Mountain Lions, and then, both stopped at the Tiger cage. 'Remember these guys Montana?' He asked, his breath warm against her ear. He felt her nod, leaning into him. He wrapped his arms around her slight form, and held her to him, kissing her temple. _

'_When I was little I used to want a Tiger, like as a pet' She smiled at the memory, she remembered the horrified look on her fathers face when she told him how she wanted to bring one of the big cats home with her from the San Diego Zoo one year they took a family vacation to California. Danny laughed at the thought of keeping a big cat like that in his small apartment. _

'_We'll stick with normal house cats Montana' He said. A handler appeared from the left hand side of the cage, beside him walked Marlin, a three year old Bengal Tiger. He announced that people could take pictures with Marlin, and to form a line over on the grassy area adjacent from the Tiger cage. Danny pulled Lindsay to him again. 'What do you think Linds, want to take a picture with 'im?' She smiled, tugging him to the grassy area and they waited their turn. Soon, Larry, the handler motioned for them to come beside him. Lindsay pet Marline gently on the head, and took a seat beside him as Larry had instructed, Danny sat beside Lindsay, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and hugging her close. The photographer snapped the picture and the couple soon was on their way, ticket in hand to pick their photo up in an hour. _

'_So, we gonna eat anytime today Danny?' He heard Lindsay say as they turned and left the photo pick up booth. _

'_Of course, you think I'd let you starve?' He asked, hugging her to him again. 'Come'on, we actually got reservations at seven thirty.' He laced his fingers with hers, smiling as they walked hand in hand to the SUV. _

'_Are we under dressed for this place Danny?' Lindsay asked as they pulled up to a small Italian Restaurant. It was small, but Lindsay watched the groups of people enter and exit the small establishment, looking as if they were dressed to impress. _

'_Nope, we're just fine, come'on' He called to her as she walked to him, taking his out stretched hand. He held the door for her and they made their way through the groups of people to the front desk. _

'_Hi, welcome to Rosas, how many?' The hostess asked. _

'_Hi, I have reservations for seven thirty for Danny Messer' He said, leaning on the table. _

'_Ok, seven thirty, Danny Messer, for two correct?' She asked, looking up at him. _

'_That's right' He smiled at the hostess as she wrote something down on her piece of paper. _

'_Alright, it'll be about five minutes ok?' She smiled at him. _

'_No problem, thanks' He said, walking and taking a seat beside Lindsay. _

'_This place is really nice Danny' She said, looking around at the authentic decorations and layout of the restaurant. The smell was amazing, and she could feel her stomach growling. _

'_Messer, party of two' He heard a woman call, he grabbed Lindsays hand, and followed the hostess. She stopped at a small table, a candle sitting in the center of it and a decorative table cloth nicely placed under the fancy dishes and silverware. 'There you go, and Leila will be your server, she'll be right with you.' The girl handed them their menus and turned back down the isle way. _

'_Daniel! Daniel Messer!' He heard a hearty voice come from behind him. _

'_Rosa!' He stood and hugged the older woman, she kissed both of his cheeks. _

'_Look at you, my goodness. So handsome' She smiled, squeezing his shoulder. He looked behind him holding his hand to Lindsay. _

'_Rosa, this is my girlfriend, Lindsay Monroe. Lindsay, this is Rosa. Her and her husband Dave own this restaurant. I grew up with their son, we played ball together' He said. Rosa hugged Lindsay, kissing both of her cheeks as well. _

'_You are beautiful' She said squeezing Lindsays hand. _

'_Yes she is' Danny smiled between the two women. _

'_Oh well, I'll let you two get to dinner, don't forget to say goodbye to me Daniel' She said, 'It was lovely to meet you Lindsay' She smiled and turned to head back to the kitchen. _

'_She seems sweet' Lindsay said, glancing at her menu. _

'_She is, she helped get me out of Tanglewood, get me on the right track' He glanced up at her over his menu. 'So, what are you having?' He asked her. _

'_I don't know, what would you suggest?' She continued glancing at her menu. _

'_Definitely the Chicken Parm or the Black Tie Pasta, its got chicken, bow tie pasta, alfredo sauce' he swallowed, man he was hungry. _

'_Mmmmm that sounds good' She smiled, 'what about you, what are you getting?' _

'_I don't know, I'm going between the Parm and Lasagna' He said. A young woman came to their table. _

'_Hi, I'm Leila, I'll be your server tonight. Can I start you with drinks?' She asked. _

'_Yea, two waters and how about a bottle of your finest White Wine' Danny smiled at her, 'And I think we may be ready to order' He said, looking at Lindsay as she nodded her head in confirmation. 'I'll get the Chicken Parm' he looked over at Lindsay. _

'_And I'll have the Black Tie Pasta' She said, the waitress took their menus and headed to the kitchen. _

_Dinner went by quickly and nicely. They made small talk over just about everything they could think of, sports, family functions, holiday plans, work, food, etc. They shared flirty glances and shy smiles, and every now and then Lindsay felt Danny run his hand along her leg gently. The check was brought and paid for and soon they found themselves sitting in the back of a horse drawn carriage taking a ride down the busy streets. Lindsays head lulled back and rested against Danny's shoulder. _

'_This was an amazing date Danny' She said, breaking the peaceful silence of the ride. _

'_It really was, you had fun?' He asked, still unsure if the zoo was the best idea for their first real date. _

'_I had a lot of fun, plus, I was with you' She said, smiling. _

'_I had fun too, and being with you always makes great fun even better.' He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, hugging her to him, placing a kiss on her temple. Her sparkling brown eyes lifted and met his bright blue ones. He brought his lips to hers gently, allowing her to deepen the kiss first. His hand squeezed her shoulder gently before moving to her neck and allowing his tongue to slip into her mouth. She smiled against his mouth as they broke the kiss. Their foreheads rested against one anothers, he kissed the tip of her nose before lightly pecking her lips once again. _

_Lindsay stood outside her apartment, fumbling with her keys, nervous, she wasn't sure why. She unlocked her door and stepped inside. _

'_Do you, umm… do you want to come in, maybe have a cup of coffee or something?' She asked, holding the door open for him. He stepped inside and she released the breath she wasn't aware she had been holding. The moment she locked the door and turned to head for the kitchen his lips crashed into hers once again, he pushed her against the wall gently deepening the kiss and unbuttoning her pea coat, letting it slide from her shoulders, she removed his jacket as well, letting it join hers on the floor. He pulled back slightly, kissing her neck, then chin then her lips again. _

'_I love you Lindsay' He said softly. He wasn't sure if he'd said it to soon, but it was done. _

'_I love you too Danny' She said, kissing him again. She grabbed his hand walking him to her bedroom and closing the door behind them…._

_Your lucky coat, the first day of fall_

_When you wake up laughin' just because_

_An old church door that stays wide open_

_A perfect heart that's never been broken_

_That's how I feel when I'm with you_

_That's how I feel when I'm with you_

_That's how I feel_

_That's how I feel when I'm with you_

_END FLASHBACK_

'Ewwww you and mommy kissed?' He heard his daughter ask.

'Of course we kissed, that's what you do when you love someone' He said, his daughters bright blue eyes shined. 'Come'on Bug, its time to get you to bed' He stood up scooping her into his arms as she started into a fit of giggles as he swung her over his shoulder.

'Daddy don't…daddy' She giggled as he tossed her onto her bed tickling her stomach and rib cage and she erupted in a fit of giggles. 'Daddy stop it! Mommyyyyy….. Daddy's tickling me' She called out. Danny wasn't even sure if she'd realized what she'd just said, but he did, and the tickling stopped abruptly. 'Why'd you stop Daddy?' She asked, sitting up in her bed.

'Because its time for you to go to bed' He smiled at her, running his hand along her forehead and through her long curls. He leaned and placed a kiss on her forehead tucking her into bed and placing Charlie next to her, he flipped her night light on and began walking out of the room, flipping the lights off.

'Daddy?' He heard his little girl say. He turned on his heel to look at her.

'What Bug?' He said, walking to her bed again.

'Its ok to cry if you miss Mommy, I wont tell anyone' She said, Danny had to hold back his tears at that moment. 'I cry sometimes Daddy, but Mommy is with the angels, and I know they take care of her' He allowed a few tears to roll down his cheeks as his little girl sat up in bed tossing her arms around his neck. He allowed all of his tears to fall at that moment, he let his daughter hold him, he let her hold him like Lindsay had done on a few occasions. 'Its ok Daddy' He heard her say again. What was wrong with him? How is his little girl going to tell him its ok to cry and hold him while he does it? It should be the exact opposite. He pulled back a few minutes later.

'I know its ok to cry Bug, and I want you to know that its not your fault that Mommy went away ok? I don't ever want you to think she left because of you, alright?' He said to her kissing her forehead.

'I know Daddy' She said laying back down. 'Here, you can sleep with Charlie tonight if you want to' She held out her stuffed horse. He took the small toy and held it to his chest.

'Thank you, but he wants to sleep with you, he told me so, he said I snore to loud' Emily giggled as he handed her back the stuffed animal, and kissed her one last time. 'Good night bug' he said as he left the room.

'Night Daddy' He heard her say as he closed her door over half way.

He entered the living room glancing at the picture his daughter had been holding earlier, and smiled at the memory again. He allowed a few more tears to fall, before placing the picture on the coffee table and walking towards his bedroom closing the door behind him.

_That's how I feel when I'm with you_

_Every day there's something new_

_To cry about, to laugh about_

_Those moments I can't live without_

_That's how I feel_

_That's how I feel_

_When I'm with you_

**I apologize for taking so long to do this chapter. I had writers block for a bit, and couldn't figure out exactly how long I wanted to make this story (theres at least 3 more chapters) and then I've had a lot of Family Functions this week for the Holidays coming up. Thanks for reading and reviewing everyone!**


	6. Spring time Memories

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything,. Song credit to Mark Wills.**

**Summary: See CH.1**

**Rating: K **

**Ch. 06**

**Springtime Memories**

_I was never really breathing_

_My heart was never really beating_

_'Till you held me in your arms_

_And every love that didn't last_

_Every second of my past_

_Simply disappeared into the dark_

_And with that first kiss_

_I felt my life beginning_

_And the clock just froze_

_And the world stopped spinning_

_Now the magic of that moment_

_Is never ending_

_You make time stand still_

_... And I'm loving every minute_

"Higher Daddy" A little voice yelled from what seemed like the fluffy white clouds that scattered across the New York Skyline. Danny pushed his hands gently against his daughters back allowing the swing to catapult higher into the air once again.

"That high enough for you bug?" He asked, as the little girl giggled, her curls pulled into two loose pig tails, her blue eyes sparkling. He pushed the swing again sending his little girl off in a fit of giggles seemingly towards the puffy white clouds that littered the mid-afternoon sky. A couple, probably no older than eighteen walked past him, hand in hand, love struck eyes glued to on e another, he was her world, Danny could see that. He'd had many walks with Lindsay in which they were oblivious to the world around them. Danny smiled to himself, allowing his mind to push out all his troubles for the moment, the bills on his kitchen counter, the laundry that needed to be done, and the dishes that needed to be washed could wait, he allowed his mind to clear for a while and drift off to one particular day he'd spent here at this very park with Lindsay, not too long ago.

_FLASHBACK_

'_Daddy! Daddy catch me!" Emily yelled running on wobbly two-year old legs away from her father, Charlie clutched under her right arm, and her sippy cup in her left hand. She took off in a fit of giggles away from her father who was gaining on her fast, she found her mother setting up their lunch at one of the picnic tables. _

'_You'll never catch me daddy1' She yelled, looking behind her , smiling as she realized how far back he'd fallen. _

'_You better run faster, Im coming!' H e yelled after her, sprinting towards her and scooping her up into his strong arms, the little girl wiggled, her infectious and beautiful laugh filled his ears, making him smile. He met smaller, but none the less, sparkling blue eyes, placing a kiss on her nose before setting her down. _

'_Come'on you two, lunch time' He heard Lindsay yell, waving her hand and motioning them to join her at the wooden picnic table. Danny allowed Emily to wrap her small hand around his index and middle finger, walking with her to wards Lindsay. He swung the little girl up and sat her gently on one of the benches, before placing a kiss on Lindsays cheek and taking a seat beside their little girl. _

'_Ok, you hungry bug?' He asked his daughter, who nodded her head vigorously. _

'_Hungry…hungry…hungry' She repeated three times, causing Danny and Lindsay to laugh. _

'_Well now that we have established that, you want ham or turkey?' He looked to his Daughter for an answer. _

'_HAM!….NO! TURKEY!…no… wait daddy… both' She smiled, a toothy grin, allowing her father to place a half a piece of sandwhich on her plate. _

'_And for you Montana?' He smiled at Lindsay across the table, the breeze blew her soft curls around her face, the sun hitting her bright brown eyes perfectly, as she smiled a perfect smile of love and admiration at him. _

'_Well, I'll take Turkey please' He placed a sandwhich on her plate, grabbing one for himself as well, and the three ate in comfortable silence. _

'_Daddy?' A small voice broke the comfortable silence between them. _

'_What sweetheart?' He answered, swallowing the food in his mouth. _

'_Can we go feed the Ducks when we're done eating?' He looked to Lindsay for approval, as she nodded her head she smiled at Emily. _

'_Of course we can sweetie' She answered her daughter. 'You done eating?' She looked at the half eaten sandwhich and two stray apple wedges left on her plate. The little girl only nodded. _

_The three finished eating, cleaned up and set out with a half a bag of bread to feed to the ducks and new ducklings that had just hatched a few months ago. Emily shot off to the small pathway leading to the pond where the ducks reside, _

'_Emily, don't go too far' Danny yelled after her, keeping her in his sight as he gently grabbed Lindsays hand, kissing her knuckles before lacing his fingers with hers. She squeezed his hand gently, slowing down as the neared the small pond, Danny looked back at Lindsay, afraid something was wrong as she stopped abruptly. _

'_You okay Montana?' He asked, bringing her chin up with his index finger. _

'_Im fine, just wanted to tell you how much I love you' She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing his lips down to hers in a sweet kiss. _

'_Well, I love you too Montana. And always will' He smiled, pecking her lips again before walking towards their daughter and handing her the bag of bread,. _

_It's a need that never changes_

_A passion that is ageless_

_It consumes me like it did when it was new_

_You have lead me to a place_

_Where everyday's the same_

_And I'm always falling more in love with you_

_And with that first kiss_

_I felt my life beginning_

_And the clock just froze_

_And the world stopped spinning_

_Now the magic of that moment_

_Is never ending_

_You make time stand still_

_... And I'm loving every minute_

'_Em don't throw them at the duckies, toss it' Lindsay said, trying to demonstrate to her daughter how to toss the small pieces of bread rather than throw them at the ducks and scare them off. She heard Danny chuckle from his spot on a nearby rock. 'Whats so funny Messer? She got that from you ya know' She turned back to their daughter guiding her small hand with hers and tossing a handful of bread to the small ducklings. _

'_Me! What did I do?' He feigned a hurt expression. _

'_You, showing her its funny to run after the pigeons in Central park, throwing the bread at the ducks instead of gently tossing it, oh you know that kind of thing. Same as when you showed her how funny it was to paint the wall in OUR bedroom with her so called washable paint you and Flack just HAD to buy' She turned to Emily, dropping a small handful of bread into her daughters cupped hand allowing her to feed the ducks herself. _

'_Oh really, so whenever she does something bad its my fault huh? Im responsible? I see how it is. Well what about that one time you showed her it was okay to use MY ball glove as the cup holder for said paint, and it spilled all over the leather and bleached the Mets shirt it had so conveniently been resting on top of?' He raised his eyebrows, smirking as Lindsay burst into a fit of giggles. He moved from his place on the rock and advanced towards her quickly, grabbing her into a hug and lifting her off her feet. The quick movement startled the ducks as they took off to the other end of the pond. Lindsay wiggled out of Dannys embrace, scooping Emily up and running back up the pathway towards the truck, Danny hot on their tails. _

'_Faster Mommy, faster!' Emily yelled, as Lindsay did her best to not bounce her around too much. _

'_Im going baby, im going' She smiled at the little girl, her light brown curls hung loosely around her face and her baby blues were a perfect match to her fathers, small freckles dotted the tops of her cheeks and under her eyes, and baby teeth made their presence known more and more each day. Danny caught up to the two of them, tackling them as the group tumbled into the long lush green grass, laughing. Danny rolled over grabbing Emily and pulling her to him. The little girl grabbed for Lindsay who rolled onto her side to face the other two. Emily lay sandwhiched between them, both Danny and Lindsay on their sides facing each other. _

'_Mommy?' Emily said, handing her a small daisy. _

'_What Bug?' She tucked the flower behind her ear, handing her daughter a daisy as well, tucking it behind her ear a few seconds later. _

'_You'll never leave right? It will always be you, me and daddy?' Emily asked, looking into her mothers deep brown eyes. _

'_Of course I'll never leave, why would I ever leave you and daddy? Besides, I don't think Daddy could handle you all by himself, what do you think?' She pressed on Emilys small button nose, as she laughed swatting her hand away. _

'_Hey wait just a tick Montana, what do you mean I couldn't handle her by myself? Not that Im ever going to need to, but, what makes you think I cant?' He questioned, letting his daughter toss blades of grass over him and onto his side. _

'_Im just saying, do you really think you could handle all her girly needs on your own? I leave you alone with her for an hour and you freak. Think about once she starts dating' Dannys eyes went wide, he'd never thought about what would happen when she started dating, he'd have his shotgun cocked and ready to take any one out if they even tried to hurt his little girl. 'And you know, what happens when she gets married?' She added, 'and sleepovers, and… well… you know… the sex talk, and her period' She whispered the last part to him, watching his eyes widen even more. _

'_okay okay, enough Montana, you win. But you know what. The second we both can take some time off, we're working on having another kid – we need another man around here… im tired of being out numbered' He pouted, glancing down at Emily who laughed at his slightly cartoonish face, lips pushed out and sad puppy dog eyes. _

'_Your silly daddy' She smiled up at him, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. 'But I love you' She added. Danny pulled Lindsay to him, kissing her cheek, then forehead. _

'_I love you both' He said, kissing his daughters head. _

'_I love you D' Lindsay whispered to him. Emily turned from her father, to look at her mother, she proceeded to wrap her arms around her neck now, bringing her face to face with Lindsay. _

'_And I love you my little doodle bug' She smiled, kissing her nose. _

'_No mommy you didn't do it right' Emily rubbed her nose against Lindsay's. 'You have to do it that way, 'member?' She looked into her mothers eyes. _

'_Ah yes, I forgot. Eskimo kisses. My mommy used to do those to me when I was little. But it has to be our little secret okay, don't tell Daddy' She smiled, looking over at Danny who's eyes were currently closed as he lay on his back allowing the warm sun to rain over his outstretched body. Emily nodded smiling a toothy grin at her mom before she lay down beside her dad. Lindsay lay onto her back, grabbing for her daughters hand, squeezing it gently, and staring into the puffy white clouds floating lightly across the sky. _

_END FLASHBACK_

'Daddy?' Danny was brought back to the present by his little girl tugging his shirt gently. 'Daddy you stopped pushing me' She said, her blue eyes, shining.

'Im sorry bug, you know what, we need to get heading home' He picked her up out of the swing and set her on her feet, smoothing her ruffled outfit down and into place before taking her hand.

'Daddy can we go feed the duckies?' She asked, tugging him towards the small pathway.

'For about five minutes okay? Then we need to get home' He allowed his daughter to tug him to the small pond, littered with a new bath of ducklings and their mothers. He handed his daughter a piece of bread from the bag he'd brought with him, watching her gently toss the bread to the ducklings. He could remember the three of them standing in this exact spot, he could almost hear Lindsays laugh, and for a moment, as he opened his eyes, he swore he saw Lindsay leaning beside Emily, showing her how to toss the bread into the pond, she had turned and smiled at him, her bright brown eyes, sparkling.

'Daddy look, look at this one' He heard his daughter yell to him. He glanced towards her as a duckling pecked a small piece of bread out of the palm of her hand. She smiled and slowly backed away from the duck, walking to her dad.

'You ready to go home?' He asked, scooping her up into his arms.

'Yes, he kissed her cheek, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder.

'Daddy?' He heard her say a few minutes later as he walked slowly through the park and toward their apartment.

'Yes Bug?' He looked at her as she placed her head back on his shoulder.

'Mommy's never coming back is she?' She asked.

'Bug… Emily, we've been through this, remember? Remember we said how Mommy is up with the angels?' He answered her. Why? Why did she have to ask him this now? In public where he cant cry if he needed to. He loved Emily, he really did, but sometimes he hated that she was so little and young, and couldn't grasp the entire situation. They reached the apartment before the conversation became too heavy, and they had quit talking about it once he served dinner. But, bedtime came and as he got comfortable beside her bed and opened her favorite Babar Book, she interrupted him.

'Daddy… cant mommy come back just for a day? If I sawed a shooting star would she come back?' He smiled at her bad grammar, but told himself this wasn't this time to correct it.

'I wish it was that easy, but, truth is, Mommy is never coming back honey. But you know what?' He said, bringing her chin up with his index finger.

'What?' She said in a meek voice.

'There is one place you can always see Mommy' He said.

'Where?' She perked up a bit.

'In your dreams, that's where I see mommy, I see her almost every night' He said, pushing some stray hairs out of her eyes.

'But how? How do I see her in my dreams?' She asked.

'Well, you lay down, and get all warm and snuggly in your bed' He helped her lay down and pulled the covers over her, tucking her in and placing Charlie beside her. 'Then, you close your eyes, and you think of mommy, think of a fun time you guys had together, like, remember that day we all went to the zoo together?' He said, as she shook her head lightly, her rubbed her forehead, as she let her eyes flutter closed. 'And then, you'll see her, she'll always be there in your dreams, she'll never leave you in your dreams. And you know what? You can always talk to mommy too' He said, as her eyes opened slowly again.

'How? I want to talk to mommy' She said, a tear rolling down her cheek.

'Well, you can talk to her whenever you want, she can always hear you, she may not be able to answer you back, but she can always hear you… okay? Now close your eyes, think of mommy.' He rubbed her forehead again, kissing her temple as she drifted off to sleep. He stood slowly, leaving her room and entering the living room staring out into the clear star soaked sky, it was a clear night in the city tonight, not many like this came to New York, and when they did it was a very special treat. He saw a star shoot across the sky, closing his eyes tight, he muttered to himself, squeezing his hands into fists.

'God I miss you Lindsay, I miss you so much, I miss your laugh, I miss your smile, your smell, your kiss, your touch, I cant do this without you Lindsay, I cant raise her without you, What am I supposed to do? Boys, and Periods? And god, marriage? I cant do this Lindsay' He allowed the tears he'd been holding all day to cascade down his cheeks. 'This is too hard, I thought I could do this, but I cant. Its just, its too damn hard. I need your help Lindsay… god I need you here' He leaned his head against the glass of the window, breathing deeply and quieting his tears. He shuffled to the kitchen counter turning the living room light off, as he did so he hit the large stack of mail he'd neglected to even go through. A letter dropped onto the floor and he slowly bent down to pick it up, recognizing the writing on the front, Lindsays hand writing. He turned the letter over, opening it and pulling the letter out. As he read, he sunk to the floor, tears falling down his cheeks once again…

_And with that first kiss_

_I felt my life beginning_

_And the clock just froze_

_And the world stopped spinning_

_Now the magic of that moment_

_Is never ending_

_You make time stand still_

_... And I'm loving every minute_

_Oh, and I'm loving every minute_

_Oh, loving you baby_

Okay Okay, I am aware that's probably my longest and probably most heart breaking chapter. Even I had a hard time writing this chapter, mostly because this chapter alone is modeled off a similar experience in my life, I didn't lose my mom, but, it's a long story, it inspired me to write this fanfic a while ago, but I couldn't get up the courage to actually deal with it and write the fanfic. So, there ya go… sad, I know… but… I hope you all enjoyed it.


	7. Remember Me

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Song belongs to Leann Rimes. **

**Summary: See Chapter 1. **

**Rating: K **

**Okay, so there needs to be a few things clarified before I go on with the chapter. Danny and Lindsay met OUTSIDE of work, I wont go into how, where, blah blah, but for purposes of the story (and lack of good brain storming on my part since this story has totally spiraled OFF the original outline I made) D/L met in 2003– ok? Emily is about to turn four – since Im not sure if I established that or not. But, they both are CSI's and all works well… okie doke? I hope that's not too confusing. **

**This Chapter is a bit different in that there are NO flashbacks, it just wouldn't have worked had I tried to wedge a flashback in here somewhere, but I promise, Chapter 8 is the return of the Flashbacks. **

**The "Letter" is in italics. **

**Chapter 7 – Remember Me**

_**In every life there are detours on dirt gravel roads,**_

_**Sometimes it feels like there's just no right way to go,**_

_**There'll be times you'll go crazy, **_

_**And times you'll break down,**_

_**Always something that stands in your way...**_

**Just keep your eyes on me**

_**Never lose site of me**_

_**This love**_

_**Nothing can come between**_

_**Us when we're following**_

_**This love**_

Danny sunk to the floor as he read the letter, he glanced at the date – exactly one year ago today she'd written the letter. His tears hit the aged paper causing words to smear due to the mixture of his salty tears and the ink. He closed the letter, swallowing hard, and then re-opened it. He read it, over, and over again, allowing the words to sink into his brain, swallowing hard again, he leaned his head back against the arm rest of the sofa behind him, allowing the moonlight to illuminate the letter.

_**In every life there are detours on dirt gravel roads,**_

_**Sometimes it feels like there's just no right way to go,**_

_**There'll be times you'll go crazy, **_

_**And times you'll break down,**_

_**Always something that stands in your way...**_

_**Just keep your eyes on me**_

_**Never lose site of me**_

_**This love**_

_**Nothing can come between**_

_**Us when we're following**_

_**This love**_

_January 23, 2007_

_Danny – _

_Its hard for me to explain why I wrote this, I just, I guess I felt that with our line of work there was a possibility that one, or, dare I say it, both, of us could get seriously injured or killed on the job, or, even outside of the job. I don't know, It might just be me worrying about what would happen to Emily if one of us were to die, and so, that's why Im writing this to you. Im sure you have your own will, or whatever you'd like to call this, hidden somewhere around this place. I love you Danny, with all my heart, and even though I didn't allow you in a few years ago, believe me when I tell you that I've liked you since the moment you embarrassed me in that coffee shop. Every moment I've spent with you over the last three and a half years has been nothing short of amazing and now, we have a beautiful little girl to show for it, all the hard work we put into making this relationship work. I just want you to know that you, and Emily are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I want you to know that every day im apart from you two, I think of you and look out for you. Im always here for you, whenever you need me I'll be here for you. Don't be afraid to keep moving on Dan, please don't, tell Emily not to stop riding, not to give up on her dreams, and help her Dan, guide her and take care of her. I know you will, you're in charge now, don't worry about periods, boyfriends, dating, or marriage, take every day at a time – you'll be amazed at how soon she'll be wanting her drivers license._

He cringed, thinking about his little girl smooching with a neighbor hood boy. He squeezed his fists at the thought of a boy touching his daughter in that way. He looked back down at his wifes delicate writing.

_Don't cringe Danny, I know you cant stop worrying about a boy touching your little girl that way – but honey, its going to happen, you cant keep her locked up forever, and don't think for one second that at sixteen she'll still believe boys have cooties. _

He chuckled, he remembered dreading even going anywhere near a girl when he was in elementary school, and then quickly flashed to the first time he kissed a girl, oh how things had changed. He glanced around the room then back to the letter.

_Most of all Danny, I want you to not grieve for the rest of your life, I don't want you to cry yourself to sleep at night, I don't want you angry with every living thing, and I don't want you to quit your job, its too good of a job, and its something you love, something you're so amazingly great at and have such a knack for that I couldn't bear you leaving. Things will be hard, things aren't going to be easy and you and Em are allowed to be sad, for as long as you need to be, but please don't make it forever. You need to be there for each other now, you need to help each other. Laugh Danny, Laugh hard, laugh often, go places we used to go together and enjoy it, don't grieve. Teach Emily something new, take her somewhere new every summer – keep our traditions going. _

He smiled, thinking of their many traditions they'd created as a family over the last few years – opening one present on Christmas eve, the rest Christmas morning, having an annual Bar-B-Q every fourth of July and then watching the fireworks together, going to Rosas on his and Lindsays anniversary, making breakfast together every Sunday (even if they didn't actually eat breakfast together until Sunday evening). He sniffed back tears, continuing on.

_Danny, you are my world, you're my husband, my lover, my heart, my soul, my best friend. You have always been the shoulder I could lean and cry on, you've been the one who's made me laugh so hard I've cried, you've been my support when I've felt like my world was spinning out of control, you keep me grounded and sane, and you've been my protector, you've never given me a reason to not trust you and your family took me in with open arms and love. There is no person on this earth that I would have rather shared my life with, than you. Im thankful every day to have found you, and to have had the chance to love you. _

_I'll always be here Danny, whenever you need me, Ill be here. I have enclosed a letter that I want you to give to Emily once she turns 16, please don't show it to her, read it to her or tell her about it until then. _

_I love you Cowboy and always will… ti amo. _

_Lindsay_

Danny opened up the envelop again, finding a smaller letter inside, folded nicely and placed in a rather small envelope. Emilys name was scribed neatly across the front and Danny smiled tucking the letter back inside, folding Lindsays up and placing it back in the envelope. He picked himself up off the floor shuffling to his bedroom. He removed his clothes, pulling on a pair of PJ Pants, he turned, making his way across the apartment to Emilys room, he peered in the door making sure she was asleep, smiling, he turned on his heels and made his back to his room. After placing the letters in his dresser drawer he crawled into bed, allowing the covers to slowly warm around him. He allowed his mind to wander, wander to places that for the last month he didn't allow it to wonder – Lindsay, that fateful day, a day that if he had just one more do-over day, that's the day he'd pick. His eyes fluttered closed, then re-opened as he pictured her bright face that morning after she'd kissed him, then their daughter, and made her way out the door, pausing briefly to blow him a kiss and smile at him again. He turned on his side, willing himself to fall asleep – but sleep, would just not come.

_**Just keep your eyes on me**_

_**Never lose site of me **_

_**This love**_

Nothing can come between 

_**Us when we're following**_

_**This love**_

_**Just keep your eyes on me**_

_**Never lose site of me **_

_**This love**_

_**Nothing can come between**_

_**Us when we're following**_

_**This love**_

**That's it for this chapter. I hated writing this mostly because I honestly think it's a really sucky and hastily written chapter. I almost forgot about the "letter" from my last chapter and im kicking myself now for writing it in and keeping it, but, whats done is done, I understand any flames that result from this chapter. Back to the goods next chapter. Thanks guys!**


	8. Holding On

Disclaimer: …. Again, I own nothing. Song belongs to Avril Lavigne.

Summary: See Chapter 1.

Rating: K 

Chapter 8 - Holding On

**You're not alone**

**Together we stand**

**I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand**

**When it gets cold**

**And it feels like the end**

There's no place to go 

**You know I won't give in**

**No I won't give in**

**Keep holding on**

**'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through**

**Just stay strong**

**'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you**

**There's nothing you could say**

**Nothing you could do**

**There's no other way when it comes to the truth**

**So keep holding on**

**'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through**

Danny shuffled to the cabinet pulling out two plates, his fingers grazing a third one, neglecting to grab it, but pausing before allowing his fingers to slide away from the porcelain plate and closing the door over. He heard small footsteps behind him, slightly muted by the large, overstuffed horse slippers that covered her tiny feet. He turned to look at his daughter, sleepiness still showing through her droopy eye lids and lazy stance in the doorway of the kitchen.

'Mornin' Bug' He smiled at his daughter eyeing the eggs and walking to Emily. She held her small arms in the air reaching for him as he swiftly lifted her into his strong arms. She lay her head on his shoulder allowing him to rock her back and forth slowly.

'Hi Daddy' She smiled looking into his blue orbs. He pushed a stray hair out of her eyes before kissing her cheek and placing her back on the ground.

'You hungry?' He asked, glancing at his daughter after moving the eggs around in the skillet. She nodded taking her place at the large dining room table. 'Juice?' He questioned her. She nodded again, as he reached for the apple juice in the fridge and took the cooked bacon out of the pan, laying it on a paper towel beside the stove.

'Daddy…' He heard her tiny voice, looking over at her as she fidgeted with Charlies ears.

'What Em?' He sighed, noticing the small tears begin to drip down her cheeks. He turned the burners off, making his way to his little girl, kneeling in front of her chair. He placed his index finger under her chin, bringing her face to face with him and wiping the tears off her cheeks.

'I miss mommy…a lot today' She said, looking down at Charlie.

'I do too' He kissed her forehead. It suddenly occurred to him what day it was, Wednesday, she had riding lessons on Wednesday, She hadn't been to one in almost a month due to everything that had happened. No wonder she missed Lindsay so much today.

'I want to go… but I want mommy there' She sniffed, wiping her nose.

'Well, how 'bout we eat, and then we'll decide if you want to go or not, ok?' He suggested, patting Charlie and kissing her forehead before returning to the kitchen and soon bringing out two plates filled with bacon, eggs and toast. The two sat quietly, both picking at their breakfasts, and soon, the dishes had been done and spare food and other items had been placed back in the fridge and cabinets. Danny had finished showering and knocked on Emilys door as he made his way into the dining room. He turned the knob slowly, entering as the door opened a bit more. He found her laying on her bed, blue jeans, checkered short sleeve shirt on, and her cowboy boots, she lay face down, her cowboy hat in one hand, and, he had to squint to make out what she was hugging – Lindsays checkered shirt, the same one Emily was currently wearing. The two had bought the shirts, a matching pair, as a joke, and Lindsay had worn hers at Emilys first horse show – while Emily sported hers in the arena. He smiled, remembering the first day his daughter took home a blue ribbon, and the hundred watt smile that littered hers, his, and Lindsays face.

'Emily?' He stepped closer, not sure if she'd fallen to sleep or not. He saw her turn her head and look at him. 'You wanna go?' He asked her, taking a seat beside her and rubbing her back gently. She nodded her head, wiping her nose again and sitting up. Danny smiled, taking her cowboy hat and placing it on her head smiling as he squeezed her cheek playfully.

'Come'on Cowgirl' He said, as she giggled.

The drive to the barn had been quiet, Emily peered out the window the entire ride and held Charlie to her chest. Danny kept his eyes on the road and as they turned into Windy Pines Farm, he suddenly realized just how quiet the car ride was, and how different this lesson would be for Emily, he had to be strong – if not for himself, for his daughter, he wouldn't break down during the one thing that just might help her get through this hard time. Riding, in his mind, would be a way for her to hold onto Lindsay, a piece of her at least. He put the SUV in park, and unlocked the doors. The two made their way up the small gravel road to the barn entrance, they were greeted by Diane, Emily's riding instructor, a woman who'd been riding for over thirty five years, and someone he'd actually become very fond of – her teaching techniques, bright smile and encouragement to all her students always made Danny feel as though his daughter was safe and cared for in her company. He smiled, knowing this would be good for Emily.

'Emily Messer!' She called out, jogging towards the girl. Emilys blank expression turned to a large grin as she released Dannys hand running for Diane. She jumped into the older womans arms hugging her tight. 'Oh how I've missed you and boy, Scout has missed you too' She smiled walking down the barn isle to the third stall as a large sorrel nickered softly as he came to greet his visitors. Emily leaned forward to stroke the horses velvet nose, laughing as he nuzzled into her small hand.

'Hi Danny' Diane smiled once he finally caught up to them.

'Diane, how are you?' He nodded his head, petting the horses nose as well.

'Im just fine, you know how this time of year can be, early winter – cold, snow, but, we make do. How you holding up?' She asked, setting Emily down.

'Im alright. Things are, they're tough but we're doing ok' He smiled down at Emily.

'That's great Danny' Diane smiled her genuine smile at him and turned her attention to Emily. 'So young lady, you ready to hop up on ole Scout again? He's missed you' She smiled when the horse bumped his hoof against the stall door and tossed his head from side to side causing Emily to laugh, she shook her head. 'Perfect, get him out then' She handed Emily the bright blue halter holding the door open for the little girl.

Danny found himself sitting on an old 1800's Chuckwagon that had been fixed up, and painted – courtesy of Diane and her family, and was now turned into a comfortable 'viewing' area for parents, equipped with cushioned seats and the roof of the barn brought much welcomed shade during the muggy, hot summer months. Right now, he sat curled up in his coat, happy it hadn't decided to snow yet – the cool air was nice. He looked up as he heard hoofbeats hitting the cobble stone pathway leading into the arena from the main barn and looked up, smiling as he saw Emily, perched atop Scout – who, with his daughter on his back, looked even bigger than he did in the stall earlier. Nevertheless, this horse had taken care of Emily since the first day shed gotten on him, her small legs not even reaching to the middle of his barrel, and his large head, long muscular neck, and powerful legs could easily take off and never stop with her, but never once had he done so, and Danny was thankful for that.

'Hi Daddy!' He heard her yell as she waved.

'Hey sweetie, you look great!' He smiled, waving to her.

She sent Scout off with a swift kick of her feet and the large horse took off in a fast walk. Danny couldn't help but think how much she looked like Lindsay perched atop that horse. He'd only seen Lindsay ride a handful of times, and it was on his to-do list to take her trail riding at some point, it pained him to think about 'scratching' that off his list now. He was brought out of his thoughts as he felt a swift wind go past him, looking up at Emily as she passed by him inside the arena. He heard her giggle as Scout swayed his head from left to right as they went along. The wind brought an all too familiar scent to him, Lindsay. For a fleeting moment as he looked across the arena, he thought he saw her approaching him, her warm brown eyes and electrifying smile making him feel "home". He blinked, trying to get his mind to stop playing tricks on him. He couldn't help but think back about the last time he'd been here, they all had been here, together, sitting in this exact same spot. He closed his eyes, resting his chin on his palm.

**So far away**

**I wish you were here**

**Before it's too late, this could all disappear**

**Before the doors close**

**And it comes to an end**

**With you by my side I will fight and defend**

**I'll fight and defend**

**Yeah, yeah**

**Keep holding on**

**'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through**

**Just stay strong**

**'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you**

**There's nothing you could say**

**Nothing you could do**

**There's no other way when it comes to the truth**

**So keep holding on**

**'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through**

_FLASHBACK_

'_Come'on you two we're going to be late' Lindsay called down the hall of their apartment. He heard small sock clad feet thunder down the hallway, followed by much larger more pronounced foot steps. She turned as Emily leapt into her arms, smiling wide. _

'_DADDY COME'ON!' She called back as Danny walked into the room, sleep still clouding his eyes. _

'_Tell me again why we need to be there at Seven?' He asked looking at his daughter as she sipped her orange juice and took a bite of the toast Lindsay placed in front of her. _

'_Because, she needs to get there to warm up, and plus… I want front row seats' She kissed him on the cheek. 'Do this for her Dan, I know its not what you wanted to do on your ONE day off this week, but please' She stuck her bottom lip out, and watched as he cracked a smile. _

'_Alright, Alright… you win, you both have me seriously…. ' He paused, 'Im whipped' he added as he walked into the kitchen and left Lindsay and Emily giggling. _

_When he re-entered the living room he saw Emily perched infront of Lindsay, who was currently finishing up her last French braid, and tied the red ribbon around the bottom of the braid, smiling, he saw them hug and then cleared his throat. _

'_Come'on Cowgirls' He smiled, taking his Daughters hand in his left, his wifes in his right. 'Got the camera?' he asked._

'_Yeap' she motioned to the bag on her shoulder, 'And three extra rolls of film' She smiled as they piled into the car. _

_Danny and Lindsay were now seated in the Chuck Wagons, camera in hand. Danny looked over at her, and noticed her fiddling with her hands, he placed his hand inbetween her two. _

'_Relax, she'll be fine' He said, kissing her temple as the announcers voice came over loud and clear. Danny looked around at all the other parents, friends and family members that had gathered around the arena. _

'_Ladies and Gentlemen we'd like to welcome you all to Windy Pines Farms 20__th__ annual Horse Show. We have a lot of talented riders today, and we'd like to extend some thank you's to our sponsors before we get started' The announcers voice kept going as Danny looked over to the corner of the arena, there sat Emily, atop Scout. Hair in French braids, red button down plaid shirt, blue jeans and boots. The small yellow card that had the number '51' on it was pinned on her back. He smiled and turned his attention back to the arena. _

'_First up today, we're going to have Barrel Racing 10 and Under, will the riders please report to the gate' The announcer called. Danny couldn't help but allow his heart to sink as he watched the other, much older girls and their thousands of dollars horses make clean, quick runs in the arena, he didn't want his little girl to lose, he couldn't bear deal with that. 'Emily Messer aboard Scout is in the arena now' Danny snapped his head up and watched as Emily easily trotted Scout into the ring, her smile a hundred feet wide. _

'_Danny' He heard Lindsay whisper, he looked over and noticed she was holding her breath. 'I cant watch' she said, her head looking down. He swung his arm behind her, pulling her to him. _

'_You have to, she'll be fine, look at 'er, she looks amazing up there' He said enthusiastically. _

'_When you're ready rider' He heard the judge say to Emily, she turned Scout and sent him off in a Lope, making a complete circle before kicking her small legs. Danny had never seen anything like it, the horse went from easy going school horse, to three year old with rocket boosters on, he had to shut his eyes as he watched Emily round the first barrel, her legs never stopping their constant movement, her hands placed halfway up the horses neck, and upper body leaning forward. He watched as she rounded the third barrel and kicked Scout back down the arena back through the timer line. _

'_ALRIGHT!! WOOO!!' Danny couldn't help himself as she sprang up, clapping and whistling, Lindsay soon joining him in clapping. They looked around as every other person in the arena was clapping and cheering. _

'_That was a great ride for Emily Messer, well done young lady' the announcer said as Danny jumped off the chuck wagon and made his way to Emily. _

'_Daddy did you see me?' She called as he got to her, helping her off Scout. _

'_Oh Bug I sure did, you were great!' He swung her around kissing her cheeks. Lindsay had caught up to them, scratching Scouts neck as the horse stood quiet beside the three. _

'_You did so good honey' She leaned down and picked up Emily, giving her an Eskimo kiss. _

'_Will Emily Messer please come to the arena' The announcers voice rang loud again. _

'_Come'on Bug, hop back on' Lindsay helped her into the saddle and led her towards the arena. _

'_Ladies and Gentlemen we have the placings for the Barrel Racing 10 and under. Third place goes to Taylor Wright on Mickey, Second place goes to Hannah Brightmen on Radar, and first place…. Emily Messer on Scout' the entire arena erupted in cheers as Emily moved Scout forward allowing the judge to place the Blue ribbon on Scouts Bridle. She led the other riders in a victory lap, smiling as she passed her parents. _

'_Em, that is such a gorgeous ribbon' Lindsay said that night as she hung it above Emilys bed. _

'_I did good didn't I?' She asked, looking up at her mom. _

'_You did better then good… you were amazing' She smiled kissing her daughter as she pulled the covers up and tucked her in. 'Love you, sleep tight' She kissed her forehead and they gave eachother another Eskimo kiss. _

'_So, it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be right?' Lindsay asked, walking into the living room and finding Danny reclined out on the couch. _

'_Absolutely not. I had no idea how great she was' He smiled taking Lindsays hand in his. _

'_Well.. now you know, plus, shes part Monroe you know – riding is my specialty' She looked at him as he laughed. _

'_Your dang right it is' He joked pulling her in for a kiss. He pulled back, looking at her. _

'_What? Whats wrong?' She scrunched her eyebrows up, studying him. _

'_Nothing. Does this mean when she says she wants a pony – she really DOES want a pony?' He asked. _

'_What? What are you talking about?' Lindsay wasn't putting two and two together. _

'_You know, how little girls always say they want a Pony?' She nodded, 'Well, our little girl really DOES want a pony, its not just a phase is it Montana?' She shook her head smiling at him. _

'_You're going to be shelling out for the rest of your life cowboy' She smiled, as he pulled her down to his lips again. _

'_That's ok, its worth it to see the smile on her face…on both your faces' He kissed her forehead allowing her to cuddle into him. _

_END FLASHBACK _

'Daddy! Daddy watch' He shook his head, looking up as he saw Emily loping down the center of the arena towards him.

'What bug?' He smiled as she turned away from him and came back around and loped Scout toward a small pole set on two wood boxes about 12 inches off the ground. The horse leapt nicely over the jump as Emily laughed, patting the horse on the neck. 'That was great honey' He smiled at her as she began to cool the horse out.

'Did you have fun today?' He asked her, as he tucked her into bed that night.

'Yes, thank you for taking me daddy' Her bright blue eyes looked through his.

'No problem, I'll always take 'ya ok?' He kissed her forehead, tucking the covers in around her and placing Charlie beside her. 'Night, sweet dreams' He said as he stood up, flipping off the light on her bedside table and allowing her nightlight to illuminate the room. As he walked out, he glanced at the blue ribbon from that day, still hanging proudly upon her wall, he looked beside it onto one of her shelves and noticed a picture he hadn't seen in months, one Diane had taken of the two of them during one of Emily's summer lessons. He picked the framed picture up smiling as he ran his finger over Lindsays face and then over Emily's. The two of them had been sitting on a bench underneath one of the large trees bordering the outside of the barn, Lindsay had been tickling Emily and holding her against her chest as she kissed her cheek. Diane had snapped the photo at the perfect time, capturing both their bright faces and gorgeous smiles. He placed the picture back in its place and gently closed the door behind him.

He shed his shirt and jeans as he walked into his bedroom laying down on his bed. Looking up at the ceiling.

'Shes still got a piece of you Linds' He said out loud, bringing the covers over himself and closing his eyes, the picture being the first thing he saw as he closed them.

**Hear me when I say, when I say I believe**

**Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny**

**Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly**

**Keep holding on**

'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through 

**Just stay strong**

**'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you**

**There's nothing you could say**

**Nothing you could do**

**There's no other way when it comes to the truth**

**So keep holding on**

**'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through**

**Keep holding on**

**Keep holding on**

**There's nothing you could say**

**Nothing you could do**

**There's no other way when it comes to the truth**

**So keep holding on**

**'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through**

**A/N: I apologize for taking so long on updating. I haven't had much drive to write this story, I have the end done – but it's the in between that Im having a tough time with. This chapter is probably my personal fave – I liked the subject of it, but, Im not sure if I like the chapter itself. Please R&R. **


	9. My Hero

_A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update this story. Heres your next chapter and a big shout out to Laurzz, Stuffy and everyone else who has followed and loved this story. As usual, flashbacks in italics. Non beta'd, so mistakes are solely mine. :)_

_**In my daughters eyes I am a hero**_

_**I am strong and wise, and I know no fear**_

_**But the truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me,**_

_**I see who I want to be, in my daughters eyes.**_

"Daddy!" Emily Messer hollered as she ran across the front porch and down the steps of his mothers house and into his open arms.

"Hi bug. Did you have fun with nonna?" Danny asked, hugging his daughter tightly and taking in the scent of her hair – vanilla with a hint of strawberries, just like Lindsay. He was sure it must run in her blood or something, did all Monroe women smell like that? If so, his daughter was never dating – not until she was fifty at least, maybe fourty-five if he was having a good day.

"Daddy are you listening to me?" Emily's little voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Sorry baby, what did you say?" He asked, blushing a bit at missing his daughters question, or statement.

"I said, did you catch any bad guys?" Her sweet voice asked, blue eyes sparkling.

"I did, I caught a bunch of them. Me and Uncle Flack and Uncle Mac" He smiled at his mother who was standing on the porch. "Ma, thank you" He said, walking up to her and hugging her with one arm, the other holding Emily close to him.

"Don't mention it, you know I love watching her. Ill see you soon bella" She smiled, running her thumb across Emily's slightly chubby cheek.

"Bye nonna" She waved as Danny grabbed her little back pack and got her situated in her car seat before climbing into the SUV and starting off for home.

The car ride was silent save for the music on the radio, which currently was some country music song that apparently Emily knew the words to.

"Emmy, how do you know the words to this song?" Danny asked, genuinely concerned with the fact that his little girl knew the words to _'Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy'_.

"Mommy and I sang it all the time" Emily said in a nonchalant tone.

"Should have known" Danny chuckled a bit. "You know baby, riding a horse is better ok. Always remember that. Daddy doesn't want you hanging with any cowboys".

He glanced into the review mirror at Emily, who was busying herself with looking out the window at the kids walking home from the high school down the street from their apartment. Danny parked and helped her out of the car as they made their way upstairs.

"Hi Mr. Henderson" Emily smiled sweetly at the old man who lived the floor below them. _'just like her mother'_ Danny thought as he nudged her on up the stairs. The old man never acknowledged anyone and was probably one of the most senile people he'd ever met. "Daddy? Why doesn't Mr. Henderson ever say 'hi' back?" She asked.

"I don't know baby, I think he's just angry" Danny said as he unlocked the door and let Emily in before him.

"But why? Did his mommy die too?" She asked, stopping Danny dead in his tracks.

"Uh…um…I, maybe… I don't know Em, lets get dinner started" Danny said hoping she wouldn't ask anymore questions.

Emily trudged off to her room, putting her things down on her bed before joining her dad in the kitchen. Pasta Fridays was a tradition in the Messer household, Danny could remember being a kid and always rushing home after Baseball practice in order to dig in on the grub. He'd started the tradition with Lindsay, adding on Sunday Breakfasts together as well as Takeout Tuesdays. But since Lindsay had passed away, all those traditions had gone away – it just didn't seem right to have a family tradition without the whole family present. He felt a tug on his pant leg and looked down at his daughter.

"Daddy can we have pasta tonight? I really really like your pasta," She tugged his leg and motioned for him to lean down next to her, she leaned in and whispered in his ear, "don't tell nonna, but I think your pasta is better" She giggled kissing his cheek before he stood back up.

"I wont tell if you don't tell ok? It'll be our secret." Danny smiled as he pulled a stool over from the table and let Emily stand beside him as he let her tear pieces of lettuce off the head of lettuce and toss them in a bowl for salad. Danny had to close his eyes and will himself not to cry when he turned to the fridge and found a picture of him, Lindsay and Emily taken a few weeks before, well before it all happened. He smiled, but choked himself up a bit, squeezing his eyes shut.

_***Flashback***_

_**In my daughters eyes, everyone is equal,**_

_**Darkness turns to light, and the world is at peace,**_

_**This miracle god gave to me, gives me strength when I am weak,**_

_**I find reason to believe, in my daughters eyes,**_

_**When she wraps her hand around my finger,**_

_**Oh it puts a smile in my heart,**_

_**Everything becomes a little clearer, **_

_**I realize what life is all about,**_

_**Its hanging on when your heart has had enough, **_

_**Its giving more when you feel like giving up, **_

_**Ive seen the light, its in my daughters eyes,**_

"_Danny I swear, knock it off. You're going to teach her bad habits" Lindsay laughed as Danny wiped flour on her cheek and glanced over at Emily who was sitting in the living room with Dannys parents, Flack, Mac, Stella, Sheldon and Sid. The Messers were hosting a Pizza, Pasta and Game Night at their house in honor of the Stanley Cup viewing, in which of course – all bets were on the Rangers. Currently, the first of three pizzas was in the oven and the noodles hadn't even been put in the yet-to-boil water on the stove._

"_Will you two knock it off and cook, im starving here" Flack called from the dining room. _

"_Flack, I don't see you offering to help" Danny called out to him._

"_Im keeping my eye on your kid Mess, its what good god fathers do right kiddo?" Emily bounded into Flacks arms and hugged him close._

"_Yea, Yea…" Danny smiled and turned back to the noodles as he tossed them in the water, and looked over at Lindsay who was smoothing tomato sauce all over the circular dough, then grabbed for the cheese. "You're doing great Montana. But here, lemme show you something" he smiled stepping behind her and placing his hand gently ontop of hers, helping her smooth the sauce out better and making it even._

"_Does it really matter if its perfect?" Lindsay smiled, leaning into Danny._

"_Yes. Im Italian, in my family when you make homemade, traditional food – it HAS to be perfect" He smiled, kissing her temple and handing her the cheese._

"_Look at her" Lindsay said, nodding her head into the living room where Emily was perched on her toy box in front of everyone and singing some song she'd most likely learned at pre-school into a play microphone._

"_She has no fear" Danny said, watching his daughter belt out the words to the song and dance around._

"_Yea. You're her hero you know" Lindsay said quietly, placing the last of the pizza's in the oven._

"_What are you talking about? Shes you in every way, she wants to be just like mommy" Danny smiled, tickling Lindsays sides._

"_No I mean, you're her world Dan. If daddy isn't here to tuck her in, she wont go to bed, she wants to know if daddy is catching bad guys, she thinks your shield is something really special – she said something, gosh what was it. Oh damnit, I cant remember." Lindsay laughed, shaking her head._

"_Its ok. But you know, you're mommy. What would she do without you? Who would braid her hair? And help her pick out cute, might I add, matching, clothing to wear every day?" Danny smirked._

"_Funny. Will you check that please?" Lindsay motioned to the garlic bread in the oven beside the pizzas. _

"_Its fine honey, its not ready yet" Danny added, leaning against the counter and folding his arms over his chest._

"_How do you know if you didn't check?" She asked, squinting her eyes at him a bit._

"_Im Italian, I know a little thing about food" He smiled. _

"_Mommy… mommy…" Emily padded into the kitchen and crashed into Lindsays legs giggling as Flack came around the corner. _

"_What bug?" Lindsay leaned down to pick her up off the floor._

"_He's tickling me." Emily hid her face in Lindsays neck._

"_How mean of him. Was he tickling you…like this!" Dannys fingers found her sides as she giggled uncontrollably and squirmed in Lindsays arms. _

_Flack had grabbed his camera and snapped a picture of the three laughing and covered in flour. Dinner had gone on without any major issues, and the Rangers had indeed taken home the Stanley Cup. Danny waved Mac and Stella off and closed the door, locking and dead bolting it as he turned and saw Lindsay cradling Emily in her arms._

"_Im gonna go put her down" Lindsay said quietly. Danny walked over and kissed his little girls forehead gently, then leaned in and kissed Lindsay softly. _

"_Ill start cleaning up in here" He motioned to the plates and mess that was the living room and kitchen. _

_Fourty Five minutes later, two bedtime stories, kisses, hugs and about fourty 'I love you, I love you too's' Lindsay appeared in the kitchen to find all the dishes done, the extra food put in Tupperware and stored, and Danny picking up the last of the beer bottles. _

"_Thank you Cowboy" Lindsay smiled as she leaned over the couch and kissed him. _

"_No sweat, you did all the prep and cooking, it's the least I could do. "Wanna come outside with me for a bit?" He asked, extending his hand to her and leading her out to their small patio and to the lounge swing they'd put in a few months back. Lindsay cuddled into Dannys side playing with his dog tags._

"_Linds, I .. I meant what I said earlier" He broke the silence._

"_What?" She asked, raising her head from his chest to look at him._

"_About what Em would do without you. And I don't just mean the whole, 'picking out clothes' kinda thing. I just, I don't know what we'd do without you. So she thinks of me as her hero – im daddy, daddies are heroes to their little girls, or at least I hope they are. But you're mommy, you're her world. I mean, you're the one she'll run to in ten years when she starts going through all those woman changes, and you'll be the one she goes to when she has her first crush, and I hate to say it, but you'll be the one she goes to when the first boy breaks her heart" Danny swallowed._

"_Danny. She'll go to you for a lot of things too. And if something was to ever happen to me.." Lindsay started, until Danny jumped in._

"_Please don't say that" He cut in. _

"_Let me finish Dan, I was saying that if, if something happened to me – she has you, she has her daddy, you can do no wrong in her eyes baby. I know you, you'll be there for her, no matter what she needs you'll be there. So you may have to go buy her tampons at some point in her life, she may say she hates you because you wont let her go on a date with some boy, but face it Dan, she'll be asking you to walk her down the isle before you know it" Lindsay giggled at the look of horror on Dannys face. "But, I mean it. If something happened to me, I know you both would be ok." She ran her hand down his cheek, leaning in and kissing him._

"_I don't know what I'd do without you though" Danny choked as he pulled her into a hug._

"_I don't think you'll have to worry about that. We're going to be old and rickety together remember?" They both giggled. "Don't worry honey" Lindsay leaned in and kissed him, allowing him to deepen it as they cuddled on the chair and overlooked the city._

_***end flashback**__*_

"Daddy, I think the noodles are done." Emily pulled Danny out of his thoughts and looked over at the stove. Danny clenched his fists and opened his eyes, taking a deep breath and turning to the noodles.

"You're right honey. Looks like you inherited some of that Italian 'sixth sense' when it comes to food bug" He laughed straining the noodles over the sink.

"Whats a sixth sense Daddy?" She asked.

"Nothing baby, ill tell ya when you get a little bit older" He smiled, checking the sauce and garlic bread.

"Daddy…" Emily climbed off the chair and ran into the living room then down the hall.

"Em…?" Danny turned to answer his daughter finding her gone, but hearing her little feet pad across the floor and back to the kitchen.

"Daddy?" Emily said once again as she appeared next to him, climbing up on the stool.

"Yes?" He answered eyeing the sauce.

"Is this because you're a hero?" She asked, holding his shield in her little hand.

"What?" He asked, a bit confused.

"Do you get one of these because you're a hero?" She asked again.

"Yea baby, everyone who is a police officer, or a firefighter, gets one when you pass all the tests" He said. Emily jumped off her stool again and ran down the hall, running back into the kitchen a few moments later.

"Daddy…do you have to give it back if you go to heaven?" She asked and Dannys heart stopped for a moment as Emilys little hand appeared with Lindsays shield laying in the palm.

"Did you take this off the dresser in my bedroom?" He asked, a little angry, but trying to harness it in for the sake of his daughter. Suddenly Emily shrunk down a bit, worried her dad would be upset with her sneaking into his room a few nights ago and taking the shield off the dresser.

"Yea, Im sorry daddy" She said, hanging her head.

"No, No Im not mad sweetie. I just thought I'd lost it that's all." He lifted his daughters chin with his index finger so she could look at him. "Im not mad".

"So do you? Do you have to give it back if you go to heaven?" Emily asked, holding the shield out for Danny to see.

"No baby. Mommy went to heaven a hero and even though she's not a hero down here with us anymore, she's a hero up in heaven." Danny smiled, crouching down to Emilys level and letting her wrap her arms around his neck. Once they pulled out of their embrace Danny kissed her cheeks and handed the shield back. "I tell you what. How about you hold onto this ok? What do you think?" Danny smiled.

"Really? You wont be mad?" Emily smiled, running her fingers over the numbers of Lindsays shield.

"I wont be mad bug, you take it. I have my own." He grinned as Emily ran back down the hallways and then re-appeared hugging Dannys leg.

"Daddy…you'll always be my hero. And mommy…mommy is always my hero too" She said gently.

"And you know what bug, you're my hero, and I know you were mommy's hero too" Dany said sweetly as he handed her two plates and she set them on the table.

"Love you daddy" She said as she grabbed the silverware and placed them on the table.

"I love you too bug. You ready for some delicious pasta?" Danny asked as he scooped some onto their plates and then poured sauce over the top.

"Yummy, yum. Can we do Pasta every Friday like we used to do with Mommy?" Emily asked taking a bite of her pasta, trying to mimic Danny's twirling of the fork and wrapping the spaghetti around it, but failing every time.

"Well, if you want to bug we can do that" Danny took a bite of his bread.

"I don't think Mommy would want us to be sad forever, and I really don't think she wants us to never have Pasta Fridays again" She said sweetly, causing Danny to chuckle a bit.

"Alright, Pasta Fridays, ok?" Danny slurped up a noodle making Emily laugh.

"Ok Daddy" Emily giggled around a mouthful of garlic bread.

"I don't think mommy would like you talking with your mouth full either" Danny said through a mouthful of bread.

"But you are!" Emily laughed as Danny made a face.

"Im the daddy, I can do what I want" He stated, as the two continued on with dinner, laughing through the whole meal.

As Danny dried the last dish and placed it in the cabinet, he glanced at the picture on the fridge before entering the living room and taking a seat next to Emily as they settled in to watch Finding Nemo. It occurred to him that tonight was the first night since Lindsay passed away that the house was filled with laughter and not sadness.

Maybe things were getting better, slowly but surely. Danny slung his arm around Emily pulling her close to him as she giggled at Marlin and Dory. Yea, maybe things were getting better, slowly … but surely.

_**In my daughters eyes, I can see the future,**_

_**A reflection of who I am and what will be,**_

_**Though she'll grow and someday leave, maybe raise a family,**_

_**When I'm gone I hope you'll see, how happy she made me,**_

_**For ill be there, in my daughters eyes. **_


	10. Open Your Eyes

**A/N: ****A/N: OMG ITS AN UPDATE!!!!!! It only took me six + months to get it done. So sorry about that. This is the final chapter for this story. I kind of hit a dead end with "little moments", so I figured it was time to close it out. Im not particularly proud of this chapter, but ... it is what it is. ****This chapter was actually the first chapter written for this story, but since writing the other chapters, Ive tweaked this. This is the final installment of this story. Hope everyone enjoys!! Any spelling/grammar errors are my own mistake. **

**Disclaimer: I own nada.**

**All this feels strange and untrue**

**And I won't waste a minute without you**

**My bones ache, my skin feels cold**

**And I'm getting so tired and so old**

**The anger swells in my guts**

**And I won't feel these slices and cuts**

**I want so much to open your eyes**

**'Cause I need you to look into mine**

**Tell me that you'll open your eyes **

**Tell me that you'll open your eyes **

**Tell me that you'll open your eyes **

**Tell me that you'll open your eyes **

'_What do we got Flack?' Danny asked as he strode up beside Detective Mac Taylor who was crouched beside a young blonde female laying face up in a puddle of blood._

'_Kerri Walters, twenty-two, gun shot to the abdomen, right shoulder, and left thigh. Looks like this one to the thigh may have hit the artery' he stated to them as Lindsay Monroe began taking over-alls of the scene._

'_Probably bled out pretty quick, looks like theres foot prints leading toward the building, and smaller ones leading away from the building' Danny added looking on while Lindsay took a few more pictures._

'_Could be from our shooter, the smaller ones are definitely from our Vic' Danny said, processing the body slowly._

'_Im going to follow these, see if maybe the shooter left us something inside this door' Lindsay said as she walked toward the large blue door that read - 'Employees Only'. Pushing the door open, she stepped inside carefully, her right hand hovering above her gun, her left shining her flashlight in and around the hall before entering. The building seemed un-occupied, many doors were locked, and 25 feet down the dark hallway, the bloody footprints stopped. She shone her flashlight further down the hallway, looking for any signs of which way the perp may have gone._

'_Don't move…you hear me! Don't make a goddamn sound…' A hoarse, deep voice said from behind her. She froze, her hand now clenching her gun ready to pull it from its holster. She began to turn to look at the perp…_

'_HEY! ARE YOU DEAF? DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID?? I SAID, DON'T…MOVE…' he yelled, louder this time. She jumped at the intensity of his voice, freezing again._

'_I'm a police officer, theres two other detectives outside, so don't do anything stupid, because they'll come in here, cuff you, and you'll be playing kissy kissy with a guy named Bruce behind bars for the rest of your life ok?'She tried to sound tuff, maybe to make herself feel a little more in control of the situation than she actually was…. Why couldn't Danny, or Mac just walk in here right now?_

_Outside Danny peered at the door Lindsay had passed through only minutes before, he shook off whatever unsettling feelings he was having, writing them off as, 'I'm just trying to protect my girlfriend' feelings, and continued looking over the victim. But the next thirty seconds seemed to go in slow motion, the world stopped turning for those thirty seconds and Danny couldn't feel his legs, let a lone move. He heard the all too familiar sound of a gun shot. Exchanging glances with Mac, somehow the feeling came back to his legs as he sprinted for the entrance to the building, Flack following close behind, guns drawn. Danny could never have prepared himself for the image now playing in front of him. Lindsay lay, crushed against the wall, her left hand over the gunshot to her chest, her right gripping her gun still. Crouching beside her he could hear Flack making a radio call for EMS and heard those words, 'OFFICER DOWN! I REPEAT OFFICER DOWN WE NEED EMS NOW!', but it all seemed fuzzy._

'_Come'on Montana…Montana look at me' He said, taking her right hand in his as her once bright chocolate eyes stared blankly at him. 'Theres my girl, stay with me, EMS is going to be here and we'll get you to Bellevue, ok? Hang on' He said loudly, her eyes fluttering closed, but opening at the sound of his voice. The shrill sound of the Ambulance sirens entered Danny's ears as he heard the medics call down the corridor, racing beside him, pushing him out of the way and starting a work-up on Lindsay._

'_We're losing her…' he heard one medic say._

_He stood there helplessly, watching it all unfold before his very eyes. The love of his life, bleeding out and the life draining so quickly from her. He felt like he was suffocating, like someone had their hands wrapped so tightly around his neck that even the littlest amount of air couldn't get in to fill his lungs. He looked between her and the medics, his hand still gripping her now fast-becoming cold one and he closed his eyes willing every power and thing above that owed him a favor, to give him that favor now and let her pull through this. He felt his body being shook, softly at first, the pressure on one of his arms, then rapidly moving to both his shoulders and shaking a little more violently. _

"_Lindsay please don't do this to me! Stay with me! Stay with me baby!" He yelled out, eyes still closed, afraid to look at the scene before him. _

_The shaking persisted, a little more violent. _

"_Danny …" He heard her voice softly, "Danny … open your eyes. Danny!" Her voice was becoming a little more aggressive, and his eyes flew open. _

He blinked once, twice, and again, eyes hazy, body in a full out sweat. This couldn't be happening.

"Lindsay?" He choked out. His hand reached to touch her face, and he gasped, flying up in bed. "I … what … I … " he couldn't form a single sentence and instead threw his arms around her pulling her to him.

"What is wrong with you? You're acting like you haven't seen me in months. Are you okay?" She pulled back from the hug but his lips pressing to hers, and then all over her face repeatedly silenced her and she moved her hands to squeeze his biceps gently. He finally pulled back to look at her, her chocolate brown eyes, her perfect ringlet curls, that cute little button nose, it was all there, she was all there. He shook his head again.

"I had this, oh god Lindsay" He hugged her again, pulling her head in to rest between his neck and shoulder.

"It was just a bad dream Danny. But we gotta get going, Mac needs us both at a scene" She said gently, hand brushing along his cheek and smiling sweetly at him.

"Daddy!!!" He heard his daughter thundering down the hallway and counted five seconds before their bedroom door flew open and Emily barreled into the room, launching her little body on the bed. "Are you and mommy going to catch bad guys?" She asked, eyes boring into his.

"We, yea we are Bug" He said to her, eyes watching as she grabbed his shield. "Wear this Daddy, it'll tell every body you're a hero. Right mommy?" She asked, handing Danny his shield.

"That's right. I have mine, Daddy has his,"

"And Uncle Flack, and Uncle Mac, and Auntie Stella and Uncle Adam and Uncle Sheldon, and" Emily interrupted moving to jump on the bed. Lindsay reached out and swiped her little legs out from under her, scooping her into her arms and blowing raspberries on her cheek as she giggled.

"Yes, yes, everyone in the Police Department is a hero and has one. Come'on lets go make breakfast and then Daddy and I have to go bye bye and YOU get to spend the day with Jillian and Lucy".

"Yay!" Emily threw her arms up in the air as she squirmed out of Lindsays arms and padded along the floor and towards the living room. Lindsay made her way to Danny as he sat in bed, still shaking the thoughts from his head.

"You okay Cowboy?" She asked, sitting beside him on the bed.

"Yea, Yea Im good. Just, just a bad dream I guess" He said, reaching to take her hand and kiss the wedding band that graced her ring finger. "I love you. More than anything." He kissed her knuckles and squeezed her hand once more.

"I love you too." She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips before standing up and reaching for the dirty clothes that they'd both discarded the night before. "Go shower, clear your head. Breakfast will be up in about ten minutes." She said gently, taking the laundry basket with her as she left the bedroom.

He couldn't bring his body to move off the bed, he sat in stunned silence, hands shaking a bit as he squeezed his shield and moved to place it on the dresser. After a few minutes he willed his body to move and head to the bathroom.

Lindsay looked up from her spot at the stove, hearing him shuffle into the living room.

"Daddy, mommy and I cookeded eggs and toast for you!" Emily smiled, pointing to a plate that was set at his usual place setting on the table.

"Why thank you baby girl" He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the toddlers head, ruffling her curls as he moved to his seat.

The family ate their breakfast, casual conversation going on between Lindsay and Danny. After dropping Emily off with the sitter, they made their way to work. The drive quiet.

"Danny, what is wrong with you?" She broke the silence.

"Nothin" His grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Where we going again?"

She pulled out her cell phone, pulling up the text Mac had sent her. "Old warehouse down on Seventh. Shooting."

He put the car in park, spotting Mac and Flack standing above the victim. Jumping out of the car Lindsay grabbed her kit and camera, walking ahead of him and beginning over alls of the scene as he grabbed his kit from the back.

"What do we got Flack?' Danny asked as he strode up beside Mac who was crouched beside a young blonde female laying face up in a puddle of blood.

'Kerri Walters, twenty-two, gun shot to the abdomen, right shoulder, and left thigh. Looks like this one to the thigh may have hit the artery' he stated to them as Lindsay moved around them, taking pictures. He froze. Throat going dry, heart beginning to pound, dropping his case beside him causing the group to jump.

"Woah, Woah, Woah Mess. Easy there" Flack snorted as Lindsay and Mac looked on with raised brows. "Little jumpy there Dan" Lindsay smiled, snapping a few more pictures.

'Looks like she bled out pretty quick, theres foot prints leading toward the building, and smaller ones leading away from the building' Mac said looking over the vic.

'Could be from our shooter, the smaller ones are definitely from our Vic' Danny said, crouching down beside the body.

'Im going to follow these, see if maybe the shooter left us something inside' Lindsay said, handing her camera over to Mac and grabbing her kit. Everything in Danny's body screamed at him, and as she turned to leave he grabbed her arm. "No".

"What do you mean 'NO'?" She asked, trying to pull her arm out of his grasp, which, was fairly tight she was sure she'd have little red marks from it.

"We need to get SWAT in there, our shooters in there Mac I saw him, I saw it … Just don't send any officers in there." He said in one breath, eyes darting back and forth and meeting Lindsays.

"Danny just let me go in and process there could be vital evidence in there."

"No, NO! You get shot Linds, I saw it … I saw it, and then you leave me, us … me and Em, I saw the entire thing. Please baby, please just trust me on this. Mac! Im telling you he's in there" His body was shaking as his eyes bore into hers.

He could hear the faint sounds of Mac calling for back up and a SWAT team, and moments … maybe it was hours, he didn't know, his eyes never leaving hers, he heard the sound of gunshots, first one, then two, then three and for each one, his body tensed. On the third shot he pulled her to him, arms encasing her, lips pressing to her temple as he held her and let his tears fall.

**Get up, get out, get away from these liars**

**'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire**

**Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine**

**And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time**

**Every minute from this minute now**

**We can do what we like anywhere**

**I want so much to open your eyes**

**'Cause I need you to look into mine**

**Tell me that you'll open your eyes **

**Tell me that you'll open your eyes **

**Tell me that you'll open your eyes **

"How did you know? How did you know he was in there?" Lindsay asked that night as they drove through the city and towards their apartment.

"I told you. I saw it. I saw the whole thing Lindsay. You went in to process and you just … god baby. I watched you leave me, and there was nothing I could do to help you. All the things I saw. I saw Em and I, and things we all did together, and I tried to be a daddy to her but I couldn't do it without you. I cant do this without you Lindsay" He blurted out, eyes squinting shut, then opening and focusing on the road. He pulled the SUV into the parking garage and after putting it in park she grabbed his hand, pulling him to face her in the passenger seat, her hands moving to cup his face.

"You don't have to do this without me. Because of you, Im alive. You did do something to help me. If you hadn't have stepped in today … Im not going anywhere Dan. We're going to grow old together, we're going to watch our kids grow up and have their own kids and we're going to do everything we've always wanted to do, _together_." She leaned in, forehead resting against his.

"Kids?" He said, "You want more?" He smiled, pressing a kiss to her nose.

"Im pregnant Danny" She said in just above a whisper. He snapped his head up, looking at her, and pulling her to him in a kiss, deepening it as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I love you so much, my Montana"

She sighed, smiling against his lips, "Are you EVER going to stop calling me that?" She asked, getting out of the car and grabbing her purse, waiting for him to meet her and head to the elevator together, hands entwined.

"Nope, not planning on it." He laughed.

They promptly picked up their daughter, heading to their third floor apartment. Lindsay had gone off to give Emily a bath and get her ready for bed while he changed and cleaned up around the apartment. When he walked down the small hallway between the kitchen and his daughters room he looked in, seeing his wife asleep in the rocking chair, Emily cuddled against her chest. He smiled, kissing his girls on the forehead as he picked Emily up, placing her in her bed gently so as not to wake her up, turning back to the rocking chair and scooping Lindsay into his arms walking the short distance to their bedroom as he placed her on the bed. She instantly rolled onto her side, and as he slid in behind her they molded to each other. _A perfect fit._ His hand moving down the smooth skin of her arm, and eventually settling on her still flat belly. His eyes fluttered closed as he felt her hand run along the top of his, and link her fingers with his.

Pressing his lips one last time into the soft skin of her neck, he squeezed her to him. His whole family, wrapped safely in his arms.

**All this feels strange and untrue**

**And I won't waste a minute without you ...**

**FIN**

**A/N: Im not insanely proud of the way this chapter panned, especially at the end. But, it is what it is. Let me know what you guys think.**


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